The 2025 Catholic Advent Calendar

1. Pope Francis may have moved on, but he is still remembered by drones floating above St Peter's. What other legacies await us?

2. If you need advice on the titles appropriate for the Blessed Virgin Mary, on whether to indulge in polygamy, or merely on the techniques of kissing, Cardinal Tucho Fernández is your man! "The most brilliant prefect since Ratzinger."

3. If the Bible has one great commandment, it is "Be Synodal". This work of art depicts kenotic decentering, athletes of synodality, and a listening church. Which is what we all want.

4. This photo is genuine, honest. It shows Father James Martin LGBTSJ telling us about "The spiritual life". Who knew that he could do comedy?

5. After yesterday's shocking display, today's is the restful "Pilgrims of Hope", which are there to inspire us in the Jubilee Year 2025. Clearly modelled on the Teletubbies...

6. "Uncle" Arthur Roche turned 75 this year, and there were rumours that he was being moved to the Falkland Islands. Whatever this picture suggests, it seems that he is still at the Dicastery for Divine Worship, fighting battles against the TLM

7. "Women for deacons." A bit ambiguous, this one. Are they looking for deacon husbands, or are they making a little joke, knowing that women can never be deacons?

8. Pope Francis (and Austen Ivereigh) would have been disappointed if something by Rupnik were not included. This picture (St Joseph and an angel) appeared on the Vatican website until June 2025.

9. We welcome Pietro Parolin, the cardinal who expected to become pope. A safe pair of hands when it comes to China, finances, etc. Or perhaps not.

10. AI stands for Austen Ivereigh. If Pope Francis can be remembered with drones, then so can his greatest fan. Apologies to those of a nervous disposition.

Droning on.

11. Advent is the season in which nativity scenes start appearing. St Susannah's has had the *courageous* idea of using the crib for political slogans rather than religious devotion. ICE WAS HERE!

12. Yes, it's Timothy Radcliffe, created a cardinal as one of Pope Francis's last jokes. If you want unusual views on LGBTQ+ Issues, the role of women in church, and communion for remarried divorcees, he's your man!

13. We welcome another cardinal who didn't quite make it to pope (just imagine!): the world's oldest teenager, Luis Antonio Gokim Tagle. What a nice smile!

14. Notre Dame de Paris leads the way in church decoration. Last year we saw their new bowl-shaped altar, and now they have imaginatively decided to remove the old glass and provide a new (modernist) stain on their windows.

15. We haven't had many really devout Catholics so far, so to redress the balance here is Stephen Colbert, seen here demonstrating the orans posture to his congregation. Stephen's Catholic views are as orthodox as Cardinal Radcliffe's.

16. Who could forget September's historic pilgrimage of LGBTQSJ Catholics into St Peter's Basilica? Unfortunately for them, Pope Leo XIV didn't join in; but he didn't burn them at the stake, so that's progress.

17. Yes, it's Andrea Grillo, professor of sacramental theology and Pope Francis's rottweiler. The man who inspired Traditionis Custodes. Beware!

How cruel!

18. For the Catholic who has everything (rosary, scapular, breviary, Luce doll...) we present the Leo XIV support doll for them to hug. It may not look much like the pope, but there is a handy label to remind you.

19. Another celebrity famous for being a Catholic appears on the scene. Yes, it's Piers Morgan - a man who suffers for his beliefs.

20. We probably won't see much more of Pachamama and Luce so here they are together for once last time. The full picture was too big for the calendar, so we are showing that as well.

21. Yes, it's Blase Cupich, winner of the World Cup of Bad Cardinals in 2019 and 2022. It's clear that his training for the 2026 competition is going well!

22. Winner of the 2025 World Cup of Ugly Churches - Newman Hall, Holy Spirit, Berkeley, USA. Note that the altar can also be used as a set of stocks for notorious sinners.

23. We welcome Bishop Michael Martin of the Diocese of Charlotte - but please, no kneeling, altar candles, Roman vestments, use of Latin... there'll be another list of prohibitions along next week.

24. We conclude with Pope Leo XIV blessing a block of ice in order to save the world from climate change. So far this seems to be working. So we wish you all a merry Christmas!

Sorted!

Liberal priests announce sex strike

In protest against the election of Donald Trump as president of the United States of America, many liberal priests have decided to join sex symbols such as Whoopi Goldberg (age 69, weight 69 stone) and Jane Fonda (age 86) in refusing to provide sexual services for the next 4 years.

"From now on I shall concentrate on eating - it worked for Arthur Roche."

Several leading Trumpophobes are LGBTSJ Jesuits, and it is believed that their leader has vowed "no woman shall know me in the Biblical sense for the next 4 years". Similarly, Cardinal Tobin has promised not to send dubious "Nighty-night" greetings to any women in this period.

Miss Greta Luce (age 21 but looks much younger) has also undertaken to remain chaste in solidarity with the liberal priests "although what the Vatican Anime Dicastery chooses to do with my image is beyond my control."

What could possibly go wrong?

So what will these virtuous religious leaders find to occupy their time? Kenotic decentering is very popular in some circles, and athletes of synodality find that sitting round a table for weeks on end helps dispel impure thoughts. We wish them luck in this new endeavour.

Answering your Catholic questions

In these turbulent times, leadership of the Catholic Church is not all it should be, and so many people come to this blog for spiritual guidance. Let's go!

Q. Who is Luce? What is Luce? Why is Luce?

A. The year 2025 sees a Jubilee of the Catholic Church. Now, we had a very exciting Jubilee of Mercy in 2015-16, with the wonderful logo of a 2-headed 3-eyed cyclops on skis designed by Top Catholic Artist Marko Rupnik. This one will be different, and Luce, designed in the well-known Anime Christi style has been chosen to represent the true essence of the faith.

Of course this is not the first time a woman has had top billing in the Catholic Church. For many years the Blessed Virgin Mary was an object of veneration and adoration, but she has now fallen out of favour with the Vatican, perhaps for being too "traditional".

St Joan of Arc - also rejected for being too rigid.

Anyway, if you are a faithful Catholic, you probably already own a crucifix, some rosary beads, quite possibly a scapular. BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE A LUCE YOU AIN'T SAVED! Got that?

Q. What is a synod on synodality?

A. Well, nobody really knows. Some say it is like a meeting on meetingality, or a workshop on workshopality. Perhaps it is more like a congress on congressality, or - like Vatican II - a council on councilality.

Of course, instead of putting a lot of moaning minnies in a room for several weeks, the whole business could have been settled more cheaply another way (see below):

Pope Francis summons his experts for a Zoom on Zoomality.