Bosco is lost

Dis is a very worryin state of affairs. We has lost my dere bruvver Bosco. So far I got at least three thoeries about his disapearrance, which is leavin de poor folks on Damain Thopmson's blogg wivout any spirritaul giudance.

1. He have been taken by de Rapture.

Dis is possible, as we knows dat he is saved. But if so, why was I (Eccles) left behind? I is saved too, aint I? And does dey do pussonal Raptures like dat? Still, it may explane why dese shoes of Boscos is steemin. I fought it was just dat his feet was always hot and smelly.

2. He have been eaten by Anti Moly.

My dere Anti have a lean and hunggry look sometimes, and she does eat some strange fings, but I don't fink she can have done dis wikced deed.

Here is my Anti Moly lookin inoccent, as if butter wuoldnt melt in her mouf (in fact dat was just a figger of speech, she have been known to melt lumps of iron in her mouf when she gets reely cross).

3. He is doin somefink holly like saved poeple does.

In his campaing to become de next Pop, Bosco have been tryin very hard to be holly, and maybe he have gone into de willderness. We is grate fans of John de Batpist, and I fink Bosco may have packed hisself a nuorishin food parcel of loccusts and wild honey, so dat he can go away and medittate on de sacred mytseries, viz how many ways are dere of cookin loccusts and honey?

De Calumny Chappel has offered a reward.

$1000 if you finds where Bosco is, and makes sure he stays there.

Here is a pitcher of Bosco as we last saw him. Dont he look so sweet and gentel?
I do hopes he turns up agin soon.