Cradinal Marc Oullet is dellighted to know that Eccles has adopted him.
I was told about a luvvly website called Adopt a Cradinal, which allows people to adopt a cradinal wot dey can support durin de next few weeks while dey is ellecting a new Pop.
De website randomly gave me Cradinal Oullet, wot is Canadian, and seems to be quite a saved pusson on the whole. De Paddy Power bettin site has got him in 4th place at 8/1 odds. Above him dere is Angelo Scola, Peter Turkson and Tarcisio Bertone, but my freind Damain Thopmson says dat one of dem has got bad hair, annuver has got a weight problem, and de third is addicted to cupcakes. So probabbly Cradinal Oullet is gonna win.
Cradinal Vingt-Trois of Paris, disquallified for havvin a silly name.
Well, I has been doin what I can to help Cradinal Oullet. I has been sendin him food parcels, and I telephones him several times a day to see whevver he has any little jobs wot want doin. De last time I telephoned him at 4 a.m. to say "Ullo, Cradinal, I is coming to Rome soon. Is dere anyfink I can do for you when I get dere?"
Cradinal Oullet replied "Just go and jump in the Tiber you pest," which sounds like creul words to me, but I am sure dat if a Cradinal tells you to do it, he gotta have a good reason. My freind Damain says dat Cradinal Cormac often used to tell him to tie weights to his ankles and jump in de Thames: however, he never did it.
Gonna be jumpin from here, probabbly.
Well, dat's all I got time for right now, but I shall say a prayer for Cradinal Oullet, dat he gets de top job, or, if he doesn't, dat he votes for me.
Now, where can I get swimmin lessons?
Does mr paddi have odds on Damian, or is he odd enough? Eccles for pop, dat's my new slogan xx Jess
ReplyDeleteYou can get 200/1 odds against de next Pop calling himself Pop Damian, but no mentoin of dear DT.
DeleteWot odds can I get on the dubble: DT becomin Pop and choosin de name Pop Gladys?
Can't adopt a cardinal cos I is Greek innit. I'd split a souvlaki with that Jess though. Sorry an' that babes but you is well hot.
DeleteThat is very kind of you, but my heart belongs to eccles xx Jess
Deleteafter listening to very serious R4 interview with cormac, this is so refreshingly very funny...
ReplyDeleteUm, my man has slipped to 9/1 odds now. Was it somefink I said?
ReplyDeleteAhem Eccles, if the Tiber is still as polluted as it used to be, you probably won't need swimmin lesons. You can probably walk on it. In fact walking on water might make you a red shoe-in...
ReplyDeleteJust sayin'...
I too have adapted a cardinal. Keith O'Brien makes an excellent ashtray.
ReplyDeleteDear Bruvver, I hope you is right about M. Willet from Canada. Mr 23 is not to be sneezed at either: he is what those Americans call a tough cookie. Over here in Italy we who read the bulletins from Eccles are hoping that what would be woeful not to mention lamentable does not happen: Mr Prodi becomes pres of Italy and O'Malley elected Pope.
ReplyDeleteIf Cardinal Vingt-Trois were elected, would he take the name John and become Pope Vingt-Quatre?
DeleteI've already put up the Balloons, just in case Schonborn is elected.
ReplyDeleteI have lovely t=shirts printed stating why i'm still Catholic, for my Schonborn for pope party. All welcome.
ReplyDeleteGuests get to choose between I'm still Catholic cos Mother Angelica Is Gilles Wach in Disguise, I'm still Catholic cos The Tablet is better than Toffee, or i'm still Catholic because there are no Lesbians in LMS.
I'll take two XXL shirts in blue labelled "I'm still Catholic cos there's feck all else to do in Brockley".
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteOh I don't know, I think you might enjoy the cha-cha-cha at the Rivoli Ballroom.
On the t-shirt front i've only got puce and lavender left. Sorry to disappoint
See you at the party. I trust you have the address.
At the risk of appearing to be one of those traditionalists who don't mix, I never venture further south than the Bamboo Club in Hazel Grove, as the 192 only goes as far as The Rising Sun. I only go to Macclesfield if I can arm myself with a hefty bit of lamp post, which I am not afraid to use on any Franciscan Tertiaries who leap out of the bushes by the Brocklehurst Arms and try to separate me from my leonine prayers.
DeleteI met Cardinal Vingt-Trois in St Peter's Basilica on the Monday morning of the consistory weekend in November 2007. He is a lovely man to talk to. Turned out he knew my old PP, and family friend, Cardinal Winning.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the 4th Sunday in Lent and darling eccles xx Jess
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