This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 8 September 2014

Is the Universe under threat?

Regular observers of the (Catholic) Universe have been shocked recently on sighting some new intruders, which many regard as a serious threat to civilisation as we know it.

Patrick Moore

The late Sir Patrick Moore attempts to explain the Universe.

Although the Universe contains several bright stars, which - in accordance with this blog's policy of never being nice to anyone - we shall not single out individually, astronomers have long known of the existence of other strange objects. One such is the large gas cloud known as McDonagh's Nebula, named after the distinguished eco-theologian, whose endless sermons on why Jesus hated global warming and genetically-modified wheat shed very little light on the Heavens.

Universe cover

The Universe, in more peaceful times.

However, what has caused significant distress recently is the emergence of a small group of red dwarves - these are ancient, decayed bodies, and generally not very bright. These particular ones are collectively known as the cluster of ACTA. Professor Joseph Kelly, a leading expert, is said to have dismissed the sighting as a reflection of "diversity", and so far the red dwarves, although irritating, are not believed to be a permanent threat to the Universe. Scientific theories predict that that they will eventually collapse into a black hole and never be seen again.

black hole

A black hole. Note how it leads to a distortion of all teaching nearby.

Similarly, a sighting of the dwarf star Loftus in the constellation of the Basilisk shocked many people a week or two ago: although it was very prominent in the 1960s, it was not expected to flare up again, and many astronomers had regarded it as extinct. Because of its distinctly eccentric orbit, many do not regard Loftus as a truly Heavenly body.

Shades of Gray

Finally, one astronomer complained of the Fifty Sheds of Gray.

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