Dear Eccles, is it true that Fr Fisher stripped off his shirt during Mass, and shouted "I can take on any two of you traddies with one arm tied behind my back?" Or is this exaggerated?
Eccles: this story is completely exaggerated. Fr Fisher remained correctly dressed throughout Mass, and he would never have tried to face up to some of the more muscular women who attend Mass at Blackfen.
Definitely NOT Fr Steven Fisher.
Dear Eccles, is it true that Fr Fisher used his sermon to denounce the Extraordinary Form Mass, and to say that nobody who participated could ever be saved, in fact only he was saved?
Eccles: it is unlikely that Fr Fisher would go against the Spirit of Vatican II, which we all adore so, by reducing the role of Latin, since its importance was emphasised in the Vatican II document De liberalis comburendis. Moreover, I do not think he has claimed to be more saved than... well, me, for example.
Dear Eccles, is it true that Fr Fisher denied Communion to someone who refused to hold his hand out for it? Did he really use the words "Come on, stick those paws out, you dog!"
Eccles: this story seems to have been exaggerated, as well. Obviously in an EF Mass sticking out your grubby paws is a no-no, and Fr Fisher would be aware of that.
"Oh dear, I don't think Fr Fisher's going to like that."
Dear Eccles, is it true that Archbishop Peter Smith burst into the church while Fr Fisher was preaching and shouted, "You're a very naughty boy. Go to your shed!"
Eccles: Archbishop Smith is always very keen on correct liturgical behaviour, and he would naturally be horrified if he thought that one of his priests was anything less than a beacon shining in the wilderness. He has not intervened, so nothing can be wrong.
Dear Eccles, did Fr Fisher greet one of the stalwarts of the congregation with a cry of "You live five miles away! P*** off!"?
A welcoming church.
Eccles: No, Fr Fisher realises that even people who live as far away as Chislehurst have souls - of a sort - and should therefore be welcomed to the Lord's Table.
Dear Eccles, is it true that Fr Fisher has placed copies of the Tablet and Babes in Custard at the back of the church, "to fulfil a deeply-held spiritual need"?
Eccles: It seems unlikely that such filth would be introduced into a church, so I am afraid this is another misunderstanding.
Probably more spiritual than the Tablet, but still banned from Blackfen.