This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday, 12 September 2014

Jesus asks "What would Dolan do?"

Jerusalem, AD 30

Jesus of Nazareth, the young preacher and miracle-worker who has taken Israel by storm, was today criticised for his "bigoted" views on sin. Said one commentator "He should ask himself, 'WWDD - What Would Dolan Do?' before sticking his neck out in this way."

Caped Dolan

The Caped Crusader: Dolan leads the way.

Specifically, Jesus was criticised for saying to a woman taken in adultery, "Go and sin no more." The general consensus is that He should have taken the WWDD approach, and joined her in an "Adulterers' Pride" march, to celebrate some religious festival, rather than criticising her perfectly natural lifestyle choice.

Dolan and Obama

WWDD? Feast in the company of notorious evil-doers! So the Messiah got that one right.

Another occasion on which Christ is said to have fallen short of the high moral standards of Cardinal Dolan is when He scourged the temple, overthrowing the tables of the money changers, and the chairs of them that sold doves. Apparently He was objecting that a house of prayer had become a den of thieves.

Said one critic, "Apparently, He refused to join in the 'Thieves Pride' service that was being conducted in the temple. I can't see the blessed Dolan acting like that. Moreover, if the Temple of the Holy Innocents were to be converted into a pet shop, then Dolan would never have tried to prevent that."

Dead parrot sketch

Trouble at the Pet Shop of the Holy Innocents.

We therefore urge all our readers, before contemplating any difficult course of action, to ask "What would Dolan do?" One can avoid so much trouble by giving into the world, rather than trying to take a high moral stance. So no referring to a "generation of vipers", please!

Dolan cracking up

Now, being serious for a minute...


  1. May he repent and convert.

  2. Clowns to the left of me,
    jokers to the right
    Here I am,
    stuck in the middle with you

  3. Dolan has Angelman's Sin Drome which is a disease making him laugh persistently. It is a chromo somal disorder which is a bit like the chromosexual one but it is in a more somniforous form - a bit like the Nervous disOrder Sin Drome where people meet together in empty spaces to chatter & giggle endlessly and abuse liturgical rites from olden times with fanatical delight. Ah! dangerous stuff this liberal modernist religion.

  4. No wonder Dolan hates Anna Thema.

  5. Latest "Tablet" headline on Dolan

    "The little boy who can't stop giggling: Toddler has rare brain disorder which makes him laugh all the time'