This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 24 November 2014

Pope Francis becomes infallible again

After several months of bad press - some of it no doubt deserved - Pope Francis has surprised everyone by taking a completely infallible decision for once. He has appointed Cardinal Sarah from Guinea as prefect of the Congregation for Divine Worship.

Cardinal Sarah

One of these is called Sarah.

This is a Good Thing for several reasons.

(i) He is not Piero Marini, the mortal enemy of Pope Benedict, disciple of the infamous Annibale Bugnini, and chief architect of the so-called "hermeneutic of craziness". Of course, most people aren't Piero Marini (luckily).

Marini and custard pie

Piero Marini and the notorious "custard-pie in the Pope's face" incident.

(ii) If one consults a map, and ignores New Guinea, Guyana and similar places, one is led to the conclusion that Cardinal Sarah is from AFRICA. Apparently, on hearing the news that an AFRICAN had been appointed to a position of responsibility, Cardinal Kasper fell down in a fit and started biting pieces out of the carpet. He was rushed to hospital, where he was visited by the benevolent Cardinal Napier. Now his condition is said to be "extremely critical".

(iii) Without checking their facts too carefully, various liberal commentators have concluded that Cardinal Sarah is a woman, possibly the lady in the blue dress shown above. This is seen as a great step forward for women in the Catholic Church, as the dawning of a new era in which it is virtually certain that the next pope will be female.

Abraham and Sarah

Sarah (R) tells Abraham he's getting a son for his 100th birthday, so he shouldn't think of retiring just yet.

(iv) Orthodox Catholics are delighted because Cardinal Sarah seems to be - well - a perfectly normal and orthodox Catholic without any particular hang-ups. There is some possibility that in the future most Divine Worship will be simply what is says on the tin - focused towards God rather than the priest (who is doing a tango), the deacon (who has put on a clown costume), or the musical director (who is vainly trying to play "Shine, Jesus, Shine" on the Balinese nose-flute). Result!

liturgical dance

Unlikely to impress Cardinal Sarah.


  1. I suppose a Canadian Pope or Cardinal could order the singing of "I wish I was a fuzzy, fuzzy, bear.

  2. I am delighted with this news.

  3. There is a shock youtube out today proving that Cardinal Sarah is actually a man. His head is three times as wide as his shoulders and there is the tell-tale sign of his hips being higher than his waist all of which goes to illustrate that everything has been made new with the novus ordo.

  4. When asked what he was going to do about the status of the Extraordinary Form, Cardinal Sarah replied that he was going to reduce Vatican red-tape and people could apply online from Advent this year.

  5. Pope Francis I issued a new encyclical this week called "Blessing a Mexican football photo op" "Benedicentes Mexicanus Balonius......" in which he declares unambiguously that the neo-catholic faith subsists in the national football strip of all nations since all men are equal before, during a god and after it too. He said also that we could expect in Fall a Bull.