This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday, 22 April 2016

Welcome to the Dolex

Welcome to the Dolex, where lies and falsehoods are buried under the carpet. I'm Timmy Dolan broadcasting on behalf of Church Indolent.

Cardinal Dolan

Timmy Dolan does his trademark finger-wiggle.

Today on Church Malignant we are going to expose the past sins of Michael Voris, because he's been a persistent thorn in our flesh - of which we have rather a lot - and is starting to tell people where the bodies are buried.

Yes, before becoming a Good Man, the notorious Voris was... a... Bad Man! This makes a complete mockery of my version of Christianity, where you choose between Good and Evil from the start, and don't attempt to repent! If you're Evil, you stay Evil, and rejected by Christ, even if you rise to the eminent heights of Cardinal!

Voris and Dolan

"These men are dangerous - especially the guy in the middle."

Some of you may say that my hatred of Voris is somehow personal. After all, he regularly tries to disrupt my St Patrick's Day Gay Pride March in New York, he doesn't think much of my attempts to open the doors of Catholicism to let the light of Secularism flood in, and he seems to think that Cardinals should be people worthy of respect. Well, we at Church Ignorant repudiate all this.

The picture below will destroy Voris's reputation for good. Perhaps he'll leave me in peace now?

Voris and Eccles cake

Voris in Eccles cake scandal. (Not available in England and Wales, owing to a court injunction.)

Eccles comment: In fact, I am blocked from leaving comments on Voris's blog, first for referring to Dolan as "the fat man", and then for complaining about the heavy-handed muddlerators. So I cannot say that Voris is totally saved.

7 comments:

  1. God bless Michael Voris. This petty and I trust fruitless assault on him only convinces me that he is a 'saint' living among us .. and, God's grace willing with final perseverance, one day shall be recognised as one more honoured Saint on the altars of the Church (like so many other culturally 'difficult' souls, in the feisty spirit of his hero Ven John Fulton Sheen). His so very human flaws only make him more likable .. to those who understand the real difference between a flaw repented of and a wrong magnified as if a right.

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  2. Eccles - you're brilliant! This parody is too funny! God bless you and Michael Voris! I look forward to another episode of the Dolex some time soon!

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    1. Indeed! This had me giggling for an hour!

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  3. Diocese of Tarsus releases statement:

    "So called 'St Paul' was a bad egg who oversaw the murder of Christians. Please now be shocked."

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  4. With the finger wag & regard he looks more like Dalex.

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  5. Dolan actually looks like Oliver Hardy.

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