This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 10 October 2016

Pope Francis makes a cardinal error

The Catholic Church was reeling in shock and dismay today, as it was announced that Pope Francis had decided to appoint Archbishop Blase Cupich - a man so liberal that he makes Vincent Nichols look like a reincarnation of Pope Pius V - as a cardinal.

"Sorry, folks, I seem to have made a boo-boo there," laughed the Holy Father. "My friend Thomas Rosica played a little joke on me, by crossing off the name of Archbishop Chaput from the list I had originally prepared and writing in 'Cupich'. Since I didn't have my glasses on, I never even noticed! The names were so much alike!"

Cupich and Pope Francis

"Cupich? I asked for Chaput!"

Cupich, of course, is known for his very weak pro-life credentials - it is said that Hillary Clinton wanted him as her vice-president - and indeed he discouraged his priests from participating in demonstrations against Planned Parenthood (now renamed "Baby Parts 'R' us"), or from supporting 40 Days for Life.

Some of the Holy Father's other appointments are equally bizarre, notably Archbishop Farrell, who was awarded his red hat for extreme sycophancy.

Bishop Farrell tweets

Kevin Farrell - the only man who is not confused by Pope Francis.

Still, it is said that Caligula made his horse Incitatus a consul, David Cameron scrounged an O.B.E. for Isabel Spearman, his wife's hair stylist, and Harold Wilson obtained a peerage for his secretary Marcia Williams, so there are definitely precedents for this unusual appointment. The pope's dentist will have to wait until next time.

The list of new cardinals contains several who are from the third world, including the splendidly-named Dieudonné Nzapalainga of Bangui, Central African Republic. It is believed he was included in the hope that his arrival would cause Cardinal Kasper to have an apoplectic fit. However, this has not yet happened.

Dieudonné Nzapalainga

Dieudonné Nzapalainga - looking forward to a punch-up with Walter Kasper.

1 comment:

  1. Cardinal Cupich allowed a non Catholic person to receive the Eucharist.If this is true then he does not believe in transubstantiation.If the Pope was aware of this, and then makes him a Cardinal I can only think he must be of the same ilk. How could this possibly happen? I would like to know why this is tolerated. I am not going to call myself a traditional conservative Catholic because in essence the term cannot apply to Catholicism.The precepts of the Catholic Church are clear.My understanding is that no person can alter them to fit the traditional or progressive labels
    In the future, if this kind of sacrilege is allowed to continue becoming the norm,
    Catholicism will not exist in its true essence. I do pray, that somehow there are true Catholics in the upper echelons working to preserve the true Catholic belief system and that it can be passed on to future generations in tact.

    You know I still find it very hard to believe that a Pope would condone this cavalier attitude towards the Eucharist.I guess I was brought up as a Catholic to see the good in everyone. I wonder if the Pope ever thinks of the damage he is causing. He is supposed to be Christ's representative on earth.

    I suppose there is a possibility that he could be suffering from dementia or a mental disorder and others are taking advantage of him and manipulating him. What other explanation could there be?