This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 9 November 2016

Hillary demands back her soul

Following her unsuccessful campaign to be the first woman president of the United States of America, Hillary Clinton has sent a stern e-mail to the demon Mephistopheles demanding the return of her soul.

women selling soul to demon

A young Hillary negotiates a deal for her soul.

The arrangements promised by the demon included the presidency for her husband (delivered), all the women he wants for her husband (delivered, although some of the women weren't too keen), vast quantities of money to be spent on anything she chose (delivered, via the Clinton Foundation), and finally the presidency for herself (not delivered).

Bill Clinton looking guilty

"I did not have sexual relations with those 500 women."

Many people had suspected that Hillary's soul was no longer her own, having seen her fanatical hatred for unborn children - and her support of the Plant Parenthood "Buy your loved one some baby parts for Christmas" organization - the disgusting "Spirit Cooking" habits of her friends (unmentionable in a blog like this, which is read by innocent children and priests), and her general dishonesty.

Dolan, Hillary Clinton, Trump

That embarrassing moment when your dinner guests insist on discussing politics.

So what went wrong? Well, there came into the world a modest, virtuous, chaste, and holy being called St Donald of Trump, who fought the evil dragon Hillary and captured the presidency from her. He thus made America great again, and brought the dawn of a new era of prosperity and world peace, and an end to famine and disease. (I've copied this from a press release, but I am sure that St Donald is being scrupulously honest here).

However, demons are completely unreliable, and should not be trusted, and so it is unlikely that poor Hillary will get a refund.

St Michael and the dragon

St Donald of Trump slays the dragon.

As a side-effect, we learn that Fr James Martin SJ has finally "got religion" - at least his reaction to the events was to say "Lord, have mercy!"


  1. Isn't it a case of casting out one demon but the possibility the press and establishment returning with several more. America will need to lose weight through fasting because some demons can only be caste out in that way.

  2. Hillary probably rounded up her campaign team last night and at dawn had them lined up and shot.

  3. I have to bow to the subtlety of, er, President Trump. By painting himself as a fictional character, as the press release proves, he intercepted all those votes destined to Batman or Suicide squad characters.

  4. There are times when one's Faith is tested. It could be that mine was undergoing such a phenomenon. But then...all was restored! The evil one was defeated!
    O joy or rapture unforseen
    For now the sky is all serene!

    It actually happened!
    Gloria in excelsis Deo!

  5. Is Trump saying, 'It was definitely not my hand, Hillary?' I think we should be told.

  6. Poor Father James. Whatever shall he do?