This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 30 November 2016

Christmas gifts for Catholics

The chocolate Luther

Give your loved one a statue of his or her favourite heretic, made entirely out of chocolate! Bodily nourishment as well as spiritual nourishment! Warning, may contain nuts.

chocolate Luther

Also available: Arius, neo-Pelagius, Mohammed, Kasper, Tina Beattie, etc.

The Dubia game.

Fun for all the family. The players divide into two teams, and one person is designated "pope". The members of the other team are allowed to ask five questions in order to try and decide whether the pope is Catholic. The members of the pope's team must do all they can to prevent the pope from giving a direct answer: legitimate tactics include threats, insults, and claims that the answers have already been given. Dice not supplied.

Pope Francis dressing-up kit.

child dressed as pope

Let your kids dress up as their favourite pope (not counting Benedict)! Includes white vestments, book of insults, etc. We even provide a scribbling book in which your children can write their own apostolic exhortations! Deluxe set also includes a small "aeroplane cabin" in which they can invent new doctrines.

The Eccles HeresometerTM.

sonic screwdriver

Fun for all the family. Point this at your friends, and it gives off a piercing screech if it detects any heresy. Use the "Report" setting to shop Grandma directly to the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith! WARNING: this device may overheat if used in Jesuit communities.

miniskirt of mercy

The miniskirt of Mercy is no longer available, but a miniskirt of Anger will be released soon.

Or buy the latest DVD.

In Martin Scorsese's The Silence of the Popes a Jesuit pope is elected, who manages to remain silent in spite of numerous questions from his flock. Recommended by Fr James Martin SJ!



  1. Due to import restrictions the The Eccles HeresometerTM is not on sale in Germany. The German authorities have decided that noise levels from the use of this item in Germany might exceed current acceptable levels of noise pollution. Austria, Switzerland, Belgium and the Netherlands are considering implementing a similar measure.

  2. I would add that all gifts are made from sustainable plastics.

  3. I believe that I got my Christmas gift when the three eyed man was removed towards the end of November! I am also pleased that the Mini-skirt, on the same theme, is also no longer available. I read that the Martin Scorsese film ends in confusion and despair. It sounds very topical.

  4. I think Pope Francis is urging everyone to take out medical insurance if they intend to take a bite of the chocolate Luther.

    What is the significance of having Luther made out of chocolate? Well, he does look as if he has had a bucket of - - - - tipped over him.Most would say deservedly so !

  5. I'd like to order one heresometer.
    The one I found in the kitchen cupboard is broken: when I turn it on it always make the same monotone buzz no matter where I point it.