This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 2 November 2016

The Pope's new Beatitudes

1. And FRANCIS went up unto a high place, namely the Alitalia flight from Malmo to Rome, and spake these words.

Pope on plane

The Sermon in the Plane.

2. Blessed are they who look to the right and to the left before crossing the road: for the years of their life shall be lengthened.

3. Blessed are they who recycle their bottles, and do not simply throw them out of the window at passers-by, as do the heathen.

4. Blessed are they who clean their teeth after meals, for their mouths shall shine forth with the Light of the Lord.

Cardinal Fang

Fail.

5. Blessed are they who turn off their heating, and dwell in the houses that are frozen; and blessed are they who walk or cycle to their labours rather than taking the chariots of fire: for they shall be called the children of the Earth, and feel very smug about the whole thing.

6. Blessed are they who wear organic, low-fat, locally sourced, hand-knitted, gluten-free, Fairtrade, free-range socks: for their feet shall bring joy to the world.

Blessed feet in holy socks!

7. Blessed are they who stand in an aeroplane, and speak words from their hearts, even if these words do not come from the head: for someone will be on hand to correct, explain, and interpret their utterances.

8. Trust me, I know all about this.

11 comments:

  1. No 6 is my favourite though sadly I don't think my own socks would pass all these tests.

    Locally sourced if I were in China maybe and possibly low-fat although I have not eaten any recently to confirm this.

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    Replies
    1. Low in fat socks may be better for you but they're not as tasty as full fat socks.

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  2. I don't have a favorite. Sigh.

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  3. You put your right foot up.....your left foot down....up down up down as you leave Malmo town ..

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  4. https://makeameme.org/media/templates/250/flogging_a_dead_horse.jpg

    Ruari McCallion

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  5. May I have two favorites? I choose 5 & 6; 5 for the 'feeling smug' bit, and 6 for the brilliant business opportunity this presents to me, as soon as I can find a source for that yarn. Everyone will be wanting my hand-knit socks.

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  6. I thought Pope Francis had abandoned the traditionl wearing of the red shoes. Pleased to see he has had a change of heart. There is something very reassuring about a Pope in red leather shoes. Nice socks too ! I can see they have not been in the wash about 20 times (like mine have)
    It is important the Pope looks good when he graces the world stage. Although it did not do him much good when he met the Queen of England, who presented him with a bunch of wilted old radishes from Prince Phillip's eco environmentally correct vegetable plot,
    along with other insulting gifts. I hope she has been removed from the Vatican Christmas card list followed by some invocations to the saint who rains regularly on parades ( can't remember the name)

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  7. Blessed are the fashion designers for to them belongs the blingdom.

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