This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 9 July 2017

The Pope Francis charm school

Some critics say that I, Eccles, am occasionally rude and insulting. I don't see it myself, but then I came across the following advert and couldn't resist.

Pope Francis charm school

A chance to brush up my skills!

The course started badly, as one of the assistant tutors, Fr Müller, was not present. "He's at Mass, Holy Father," explained an aide.

"Drag him out!" shouted the Pope. "God is used to being kept waiting, but I AM NOT."

He then went on to explain that the New Ways Ministry had recently given him an award as the most humble pope since Alexander VI, and he was confidently expecting the Freemasons to award him the Order of the Golden Moose for services to humility. So we could certainly learn from him!

Pope gets a drone

"A drone! With a radar attachment to detect neo-Pelagians and zap them!

A Jesuit in a rainbow cassock wandered in, smoking a strange-looking cigarette. "Hey, man, is this the Coccopalmerio?" he asked, and promptly fell over. A fellow-student explained to me that "Coccopalmerio" is slang for a particular type of party, although he did not give details.

Meanwhile, the Pope had taken advantage of the break in the proceedings to fire one of his cardinals. In fact, he said "Off with his head!" but it was unlikely that things would be taken that far, and the Swiss Guards would simply break one of his legs. This is what "mercy" means!

Pope Francis concluded his course by explaining that, no matter how charming you were, you could easily be misunderstood. For a Jesuit, this is not a problem, of course, but he showed us a tweet from one of his most loyal sycophants.

Ivereigh tweet

This is not gloating, this is mercy.

"Unfortunately Ivereigh couldn't attend today's class," he said, "which is a shame, as he could learn a lot from it."

What a pity there isn't some sort of organization that could give training to Catholic commentators such as Austen, so that they could express themselves clearly and avoid being misunderstood!


  1. Gloat, gloat from Austen Ivereigh. A true Christian.

  2. Ring ring. Hello?
    Hello, is this the Holy Almighty Immortal God?
    Yes. I Am.
    Thank you. Please hold for Pope Francis..........

  3. I found this photo of Austen Ivereigh's compassionate and restrained reaction at the arrest of Cardinal Pell:

  4. Hmmm...Does that give anyone the vaguest idea of Mr. Ivereigh's 'spiritual state'? Of course not! Nor of that of Rocco Palmo. They are totally honorable. Or something.

  5. Hey that Austen is a very spiteful person.He needs training alright... back to primary school starting with the Catechism.
    Oh and incidentally the Swiss Guards don't break legs.They poke people gently with swords(if they are Catholic) if not they might exert a bit more pressure....

  6. JULY 13, 2017

    Pope Francis violates the Principle of Non Contradiction: chooses irrational interpretation of Vatican Council II which is not the work of the Holy Spirit

    Prof. Robert Fastiggi, Ralph Martin agree that invisible people cannot be visible at the same time : in agreement with Fr. Stefano Visintin's statement