This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday, 13 October 2017

Correctio Filialis to appear in weekly instalments

The recent letter Correctio Filialis has gone viral, and received all manner of feedback: indeed, "We're almost certain that Pope Francis has heard of it, although of course he hasn't read it," said a spokesman. However, the Holy Father has continued to produce a blizzard of puzzling statements (to put it charitably), and it is now felt that the best needs of the Catholic Church will be served by producing a slim 200-page magazine each week, listing the most recent errors.

Homer Simpson

A cruel caricature on the cover of the new magazine.

For example, this week Pope Francis told us that capital pubishment was "contrary to the Gospel", presumably thinking that - as Rex Mottram would have said - there is a particular text in which it is condemned, at least spiritually, but most Catholics are too sinful to see it. As one of the editors of Correctio Filialis put it, "Don't get us wrong, we're not great fans of the death penalty either; still previous Popes were clear that one should reserve it for serious offences such as possessing one of Fr James Martin's books."


Some say an (early, safe and legal) death penalty is OK for the crime of being a disabled baby.

In addition to correcting docrinal utterances of Pope Francis, the new magazine will also pick out his insults to the ordinary Catholic in the pew, and explain what Francis should have said.


Uncorrected: Fomenters of coprophagia!
Corrected: People who publish embarrassing stories about my friends in the Vatican.

Uncorrected: Self-absorbed Promethean neo-Pelagians!
Corrected: Catholics following the traditions of long-forgotten figures of the past, such as Pope Benedict XVI, Pope Pius X, St Paul, or Jesus Christ.

Uncorrected: Creed-reciting parrot Christians!
Corrected: Oh by the way, I am about to rewrite the Nicene creed to reflect my new "development of doctrine".

Blase Cupich

Page 3 boy (Catholic of the Week).

Each week's issue of Correctio Filialis will highlight one of the hive of heretics that buzz round Pope Francis, and this week's Page 3 boy is Cardinal Blase Cupich, who is co-hosting a conference in Boston with the general theme of "How can we destroy Catholic teaching?" Since the conference has not been condemned by Pope Francis, and indeed features some of his greatest admirers such as Spadaro, Farrell, Scicluna, Beelzebub and Moloch (I may have got some of these wrong), it seems appropriate to give Cupich a page to himself. It will be someone else next week.

We wish the new magazine every success.

Following a suggestion on Twitter, let me help you create your own heretic. Simply take the last Italian food (or drink) you consumed, and add Cardinal/Father/Sister/Professor/etc. in front, and optionally an SJ at the end. Mine was Fr Penne Rigate SJ, and some of the replies received were: Dottore Cioccolato Gelato, Cardinal Zabaglione, and Sister Puttanesca (that's enough heretics, Eccles). Most of these people were in Boston this week.

Italian bean dish

Dinner time, and I'm having a delicious plate of Faggioli al Spadaro.


  1. Sr. Velveeta Beefaroni O.P.? (I don't get out much)

  2. It works the other way round, too. The Apostolic Administrator of the Latin Patriarchate of Jerusalem is Archbishop Pizzaballa. If you spotted that dish on a menu you’d assume it was authentic, wouldn’t you? I’m sure I would.

  3. Replies
    1. Correctio: Sr Insalata E. Dietcocacola. (Artificial sweeteners kin cause brane fog.) (The other coke causes orgies.)

  4. Giuseppe Cardinal Polpi in Umido

  5. Americans should think twice before calling their parish priest pasta.

  6. I could see there was a spelling error in one of the Cardinals names Culprit or was it Cupich I forget anyway have a blessed day