This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 15 October 2017

Jesuits say the funniest things

Don't you love Jesuits? They can be really cute in the way that grown-ups simply aren't. Listening to them talking, trying to make sense of the adult world, is a pleasure and a delight.

I visited a Jesuit playground and met two of the little darlings having fun together; one was called Jim ("I'm Jezzie James") and the other Tony ("Spideroman").

Spadaro, Francis, Sosa

Tony playing with his friends Big Frank and Arthur (the gang leaders).

Me: Hello, Jesuits, are you having fun?

Jim: I'm building a bridge. Poo, it's fallen down again!

Tony: I'm doing sums. 1 and 1 is 3. 2 and 2 is 5. Tee hee hee!

Me: Oh, right. Did you go to Church today, Jesuits?

Wedding garment drivel

Possibly the stupidest thing ever said by a Jesuit.

Jim: Yes, it was all about a wedding. Jesus wasn't allowed to go to it.

Tony: Naughty Jesus was a biggot! Won't go to Heaven!

Jim: He should have listened to the Canny... Cannonite woman!

Tony: I gotta new Bible.

Jim: He's gotta new Bible. It's the Messy Bible.

Tony: Message Bible. A special one for Jesuits.

Message Bible

A special Jesuit Bible with all the sense removed.

Jim: What does the angel say when he sees Mary?

Tony: Nice to see you, to see you nice! Tee hee hee!

Jim: And Jesus talks to Mary Magdulum. Says "Hello, Mary, how would you like to be the Pope?"

James Martin SJ

"Unlike Jesus, I'm properly dressed for a wedding!"

Tony: Hey, here comes Arthur. He's the leader of our gang.

Arthur: Hello, Jim, hello, Tony. Who's this?

Tony: It's Mr Eccles. He's a witless worm. Tee hee hee.

Arthur: He's got a tape recorder.

Jim: Jesus had a tape recorder.

Arthur: No he didn't!

Jim: He did, he did, he did!

Arthur: No, he didn't. That's why we don't know what he said.

Jim: We can make it up, can't we?

Pope in armchair

"Today I'm launching a Crusade against armchair Catholics!"

Tony: Shut up you lot. Here comes Big Frank. He's got a Magic Sterium.

Jim: What's a Magic Sterium?

Tony: It's for making up Cathlic teaching. It has a pair of scissors for cutting up old teaching, and a nice pen for writing new doctrine.

Frank: All right, you lot. Today we're going to break some armchairs. I don't like armchair Catholics!

Omnes: Ooh, what fun!

"Now I say SHAZAM and the Pope disappears!"

With thanks to @topcatholic and @thecorrectpope for locating some material.


  1. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life. (James 1:21)

    From the sample “Tony” Spadaro has given us here, we might reasonably ask: Is this the all-time record for the world’s worst Bible translation? Surprisingly enough, the answer is No, it isn’t, but only because it doesn’t actually claim to be a translation at all. In this blurb for the online Message Bible, the publishers have been scrupulously careful to avoid using the word “translation” altogether:

    Just as well, I suppose, so that the consumers can’t complain they’ve been conned into wasting their hard-earned lolly on a shoddy, shabby fake “translation”.

  2. How cute!!! Boys will be boys. Well, two out of three times maybe.....

  3. Cardinal Dolan seems to have discovered the theological option of Sedevacantism

  4. Just you guys wait til gurls are priests.

  5. In real life Big Frank was Jezzie's brother.