This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 3 October 2017

Catholics flee church when priest starts reading out Amoris Laetitia

On Sunday, worshippers at the church of St Daryl the Apostate fled in terror after becoming "triggered" by the homily of their priest, Fr Arthur.

Said one worshipper, Amy Rigid, who wishes to remain anonymous, "I thought we were going to have a simple homily about today's Gospel - the man with two idiot sons who couldn't make up their minds whether to work in the vineyard - when Fr Arthur started reading out passages from Amoris Laetitia."

Allo Allo

Waiting for an idiot son to arrive in the vineyard.

"At first it was something totally bland, about how most loving families consist of a husband, a wife, 2.4 children, and a goldfish, but I could see where this was leading, and that Fr Arthur would pretty soon start talking about allowing unreformed serial killers to take Communion after a period of accompaniment and discernment."

Another worshipper, Ivor Dubia, concurred. "I fled in panic. Who knows what Fr Arthur would have done next? Quoted from the comedy theology of Massimo Faggioli?"

Faggioli fail

Have you checked that your beliefs are still Catholic?

"It was much easier last week, when Fr Arthur shouted 'Allahu Akbar!' and read out passages from the Koran about smiting the infidel. That's ecumenical, I can understand that. But quoting from ghost-written apostolic exhortations loosely based on what someone in the Vatican wished that the Synods on the Family had agreed... No, that's a step too far!"

Last night a party of worshippers went round to the Presybtery with a "filial correction" of Fr Arthur's errors, including claims that he was a bad-mannered old misery-guts. They were greeted with a bucket of water thrown out of the window, which suggests that there is still room for further dialogue.

James Martin cavorting

"Next week's preacher will explain how to build a bridge out of toilet rolls and a rainbow chasuble."

8 comments:

  1. Which just goes to show how the Word of God can literally stop people in their tracks!
    Bless you Eccles.

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  2. I haven't even read the whole thing yet, I just read the title and burst out laughing :)

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  3. Perhaps the priest and congregation might arrange a nice Bologna Cathedral style 'solidarity luncheon' and parlay over a nice slice of Muslim Bean pie.

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  4. Would it be a sin, I wonder if I stuck my knitting needles in Massimo Musk Drenched Faggioli's nether regions...a sort of Catholic acupuncture cure for heretics ? I don't care if he has a PhD in sacrilege, his views are not Catholic and I hope he is not being funded by the Catholic purse.

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  5. I follow a link from Canon212.com and this is where I end up?

    LOL! Well done!

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  6. Eccles, you really are doing the Lord's work by giving us all a good laugh, especially at times we need it the most. Keep it up, bruv.

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  7. Oh dear. The laughter made me nearly wet my breeches.

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  8. LOL and again LOL "It was much easier last week, when Fr Arthur shouted 'Allahu Akbar!' and read out passages from the Koran about smiting the infidel. That's ecumenical, I can understand that.

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