This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 15 April 2019

The curse of St Gallen

There's not much spiritual nourishment in this post, I'm afraid. At the beginning of April I was rushed to hospital in an ambulance - I was throwing up even when I hadn't just been reading something by Ivereigh, Martin, or Faggioli - and it turned out to be the Curse of St Gallen, or gall stones (Cormacus Murphius Oconnus, as doctors call them).

Things to do in St Gallen

Number 1: choose the next pope.

It was all very exciting, as I hadn't spent a night in hospital since childhood - when they took out my appendix by traditional methods involving a bottle of rum as anaesthetic, and lots of leeches. This time I had one of those modern MRI scans, which is a bit like sitting in a nuclear reactor being bombarded with intense magnetic fields; these are supposed to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, or at least tell them where every proton in my body is. So they had to operate.

Hospitals are very noisy places - don't expect any peace and quiet there. Apart from being woken up at 3 a.m. for readings of temperature and blood pressure, I had to put up with neighbouring patients playing their radios at full volume, until the nurses pointed out that this was worsening the death rate.

Worst of all was a mad Pole who shut himself behind his curtains and started screaming at his mobile phone, obviously unaware that these things are amplified, and you don't need to be directly audible in Krakow. What can a peaceful saved person do? Well, I scribbled "Quiet please!" on a napkin and chucked it over the curtain. Probably I got a direct hit, as he came rushing out looking very angry, while I seraphically pretended to be half asleep.

St Peter and the keys

The dawn of keyhole surgery.

Anyway, no rum and leeches this time, it was all going to be done by keyhole surgery. The idea is that they make four little keyholes in your stomach, insert the keys, and then turn them, as you might wind up an old clock. Fantastic.

So now I am at home, convalescing. Has anything spiritually nourishing happened in the last week or two? I gather that Pope Benedict managed to upset all the right people, that Pope Francis has been kissing the feet of infidels, and that the Dubia still haven't been answered. Business as usual, then.

N.B. Without a gall bladder, I should be producing less bile directed at atheists, heretics, modernists, LGBT activists, etc. So from now on it's fluffy bunnies and rose petals...

fluffy rabbit

The new gall-free Eccles blog.

15 comments:

  1. Brother Eccles-wishingvyou a soeedy recovery-hop right back!

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  2. Welcome to the club. I had my GB removed about six years ago. I was told that it's ok because horses don't have them. I'm fine and don't miss it a bit.
    Disgusting PF kissing the infidels boots.

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  3. I had a similar operation a couple of years ago. I can only say it was a quick way to lose two stone.

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  4. I was in hospital for New Monia - none of the old stuff for me! The very worst part was the noise. I eventually had a bit of an emotional breakdown because of it so the psych nurse moved me to another quieter room. Breakdowns are very useful! Hospitals not so much. Get well.

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  5. Hoping you are feeling 100% very quickly. It's no fun to be sick and hospitals have become like asylums. I wish crazy people would take better care of themselves so as not to gum up hospitals all the time. How's that for generosity. Notre Dame just burned down. I'm not feeling magnanimous. God bless.

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  6. I too wish you a speedy recovery. But today's really bad news is Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.

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  7. I am delighted to hear you are back, and in one piece. I have missed your wisdom. However, with a convalescence ahead, you may be inspired to catch us up.
    Seriously, prayers for your speedy, uncomplicated recovery.

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  8. I was wondering where you were. Good to see you back transformed into a cute little bunny.Nice pic. Bet if it opened its mouth it has razor sharp shark's teeth:)

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  9. I pray for your speedy and complete recovery.

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  10. Thought you went on a long retreat for Lent and Holy week. The sounds of silence are never found in a hospital. Praying for your full recovery. God bless you Eccles and our lady keep you under her mantle.

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  12. Thanks, everyone, for your well wishes. The Lenten retreat only applies to Twitter.

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  13. How very galling. Glad you're not dead yet.

    Let us Ecclesians rejoice that our prophet has risen from his sickbed, to further enlighten us with many wisdoms.

    A blessed Holy Week, and Happy Easter! Christ is risen indeed!

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  14. Your gall will be sadly missed. Thank God you can still vent your spleen.

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