This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 13 March 2021

The Prodigal Son

1. A certain man named Charles had two sons. The elder son was serious and wise, although a little bald, and everyone said that he would be a king one day.

2. However, the younger son, Harry, was wild and lived life of riotous living. He would remove his clothes in order to play the game of pool, and he would dress himself in the uniform of the Nazites.

3. Then one day the younger son was wed unto a lady called Meg-han from a distant land, although she had already been wed before.

Royal Wedding

And they all lived happily ever after.

4. Some say that he wed Meg-han twice: once in a garden, and once in a church.

5. And Meg-han did not know how to behave in the courts of the family of Harry. For nobody had told her that his grandmother was a powerful queen who could open buildings simply by cutting a cord.

6. Nor did Meg-han know how to treat the servants of the Queen, for she hissed and shouted when her tiaras were improperly placed.

7. But it is true that Meg-han, who was black but comely as the curtains of Solomon, was once deeply distressed. For there came one to her who asked what nature of child she would bear - ginger and irresponsible, or black and bad-tempered.

8. So eventually the younger son said, "Father, give me my share of the estate. I wish to become independent.

9. For my wife Meg-han hath had enough of opening abattoirs in Goole and recycling centres in Basingstoke.

10. She wisheth to return to the holy wood of her forefathers, wherein she may be a celebrity without any duties, save to speak voice-overs for him that is called Disney."

Charles and Harry

The father is grieved on hearing of his son's wish to depart.

11. And thus Harry and Meg-han left the family that is known as royal, and began to squander their wealth in wild living.

12. Indeed, Harry forsook the title of "Your Prodigal Highness" and changed his name to "Mr Sussex".

13. They went into the market-place and tried to make their fortune by selling useful items, under the name of "Sussex Prodigal".

14. But, alas, nobody wanted to buy a carbon-neutral biodegradable gluten-free halal antiracist gay clockwork hedgehog that played "Shine, Jesus, Shine!" even if it did bear the label "Sussex Prodigal".

15. So, when they had spent all theor substance, they sought another way to pay their way.

16. And Meg-han said, "Once I was a celebrity, and acted in a play called Suits. Although you may not believe it, I played a selfish good-for-nothing who was seeking a wealthy husband. Perchance I can act again."

17. But the people of the Holy Wood did not require an actress who could play an aggressive bad-tempered, selfish, good-for-nothing. Although they did say that, if they were to remake the humorous play known as Psycho with a female star, then they would call on her.

18. Then, in desperation, Harry and Meg-han went into the fields to feed the creature known as Oprah. And they wished that they might fill their stomachs with the pods that the Oprah ate, but their fee was far less than hers and they could not afford them.

Harry, Meghan, Opera

Feeding the Oprah.

19. So Harry said, "I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, 'Father, you have sinned against Heaven and before me. You are no longer worthy to be called my father.'"

Evangelist's note. This doesn't seem to be going quite as expected. Perhaps we'll try for a happy ending later.

(Warning: parts of this are recycled from an earlier parable.)


  1. The best yet, Eccles! Thank you!

  2. Well put. What a spectacle. America is sorry, we produced Wallis Simpson and now this. The journalist Tucker Carlson had it right. He said very wealthy people (like these two, Oprah, Michelle Obama, etc.) once understood noblesse oblige, "to whom much is given much is expected". They gave of themselves in public service and also of their largesse, to benefit others. But now unimaginably wealthy people like these cast themselves as victims, and are of little use to others. They live luxurious lives we can only imagine, but oh, how they suffer. No one asks, is it really so terrible for someone to have voiced the obvious question of interest about the beautiful little babe? This is a natural question and probably in everyone's mind. Was it really worth all this? Much ado about nothing, but everyone has lost their minds on the topic of race. People live in absolute terror now. Absurd.
    Meghan had once asked a friend to connect her with a well to do Brit. The friend knew Harry, but I'm sure that was just a coincidence. One thing about Meghan, she knows how to get things done. One wonders which is less admirable, a conniving woman who blithely separated a man from his family and royal heritage, then caused an international stir by casting aspersions on the people who had just given her a sham $48 million dollar fake wedding, or a cuckhold who betrayed his family to please her. It's a horse race. Anyway, when George is of age, someone should hide his passport.

  3. Eccles, nobody does satire better apart from Bosco.

  4. There might be a "/i" tag missing at the end of your luvvly blogg, bruvver.

  5. Times like this, I wish my husband was still alive. I’m Filipino but my late husband was an Englishman (God rest his soul) – from Sussex, no less. I wondered what he would have said about having an American woman as the Duchess of Sussex.
    As newlyweds in 1984, my husband took me to Sussex, to meet his family in Ditchling. Then off we went to join a milling crowd in front of Buckingham Palace in time for the announcement of the birth of Princess Diana’s second child – a boy! A prince! The spare!
    I remember then how everybody was wild about Harry.

  6. Reading the tea leaves: Trouble brewing. Harry in hot water. Little Miss Markle *I'll be mother* pours cuppa crocodile tears. Strong poison in a pot.