This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday 28 May 2023

Indietrists told to "take a hike"

Following the recommendations from Pope Francis and Arthur Roche that pre-2013 Catholics ("indietrists", "backwardists", "rigidists", etc.) should "go away", "take a hike", and "push off", sixteen thousand of them have taken this advice literally and disappeared into the French countryside between Paris and Chartres.

"The Pope told us to 'get lost' and I'm really not sure where we are now."

Although the journey of the 16,000 is decribed as a "pilgrimage", Pope Francis is not fooled. "When I make a pigrimage, I sit in a comfortable jet with a hundred journalists and invent some new Catholic doctrine," he explained. "I certainly don't go wandering in the wilderness."

Meanwhile, the fact that his own diocese includes England's prime destination for a pilgrimage has not missed the attention of Bishop "Comedy Teeth" Collins of East Anglia, who has decreed that the TLM will no longer be allowed at the shrine. The words of another bishop: "it's important that I try to be a father to everyone in my diocese" clearly don't apply here. In fact, following his Jane Austen namesake, Collins prefers a world of Pride and Prejudice.

Bishop Collins

"I can't wait to get my teeth into Traditionis Custodes!"

Now it would be extremely childish to use the dentally-challenged bishop's appearance as a way of mocking him, but, on the other hand, at least five people have sent me versions of the following photo (Collins as a young man) so who am I to refrain?

Dick Emery

"There's two things that I really abhor - religious intolerance and those flaming Traddies!"

Meanwhile, the late news is that the missing 16,000 have resurfaced somewhere near Chartres, much to the disgust of Pope Francis and Arthur Roche. How do we finish this article, then? With another cheap laugh about Arthur Roche's love of cake, or another one at the expense of the bullying bishop? Oh all right...

Pope and teeth

"Well done, Bishop Collins, and your reward is a new pair of false teeth."

7 comments:

  1. https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodreads.com%2Fbook%2Fshow%2F17245.Dracula&psig=AOvVaw1VHvMC9K7PHy090yqlZHUh&ust=1685397573647000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CBAQjRxqFwoTCOC0-bCBmf8CFQAAAAAdAAAAABAE

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  2. Hi Eccles, Crouchback here...the whole of Scotland are writhing on the ground legs in the air laughing at that one..... kilts akimbo...adding to the festivities....keep up the good work

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  3. Collins was equally a bully in Cardiff, especially towards seminarians , don't be fooled by his comical appearance, the man has a vicious, nasty temper !!

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  4. Brilliant. And sadly true.

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  5. “vicious and nasty”... key traits of Francis-World.

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  6. Watch out that Bishop doesn't sink his tremendous teeth into an Eccles cake...

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  7. If they are so "indietrist", then why are they all walking forwards ?

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