Protect the Poe

One fine day I started writing something slightly more inviting,
Which I hoped to make exciting, though I found the work a chore.
I had spent the night carousing, on the Internet a-browsing,
Many blogs I found arousing, many writers to explore:
Finigan and Father Zuhlsdorf, Blake and Farrow, and yet more:
Sometimes even Mundabor.

When the last pope came to Britain, Dawkins and his pals had 
   kittens,
But a famous blog was written -  you'll have heard of it, I'm 
   sure.
Facing widespread insurrection, Donnelly tried pope-protection,
Holding up to wide inspection all the danger at the door:
ACTA's clowns, Küng, Tina Beattie; and the Tablet - what a bore!
Wickedness one can't ignore.

At this point you may be inexplicably thinking about ravens.

Thus in hope I went a-seekin' for the blog of Nick the Deacon,
Those who wished our faith to weaken shuddered when they heard 
   him roar.
But to my great consternation, and indeed severe frustration,
There'd been an enforced cessation of the work I'd seen before.
Orders from on high had come in, orders Nick could not ignore -
Someone sticking in his oar.

Now the Bishop of Lancaster was to blame for this disaster
For, said he, "I am the Master. You will write your blog no more.
Pray, reflect, but do be wary - though my ban is voluntary,
Woe to you if you're contrary - don't resist, or I'll get sore.
Those who disobey my orders end up lying on the floor,
Sometimes weltering in gore."

Do you know there's a deacon under the table, Bishop?

From outside there came a knocking, and a sound of laughter 
   mocking,
Horrid sounds, aggressive, shocking - but I opened wide the door.
Now, that was a foolish gamble - through the door stepped Bishop 
   Campbell, 
And the man began to ramble - as he stood upon my floor.
"Now the pope is unprotected, is it your fault, Monsignor?"
"I deny it!" - thus he swore.

When our bishops are unwilling to give heretics a grilling,
Such indifference is chilling - for there's blasphemy galore!
Thus the bishop's pride I tested, for politely I requested,
"Now that Deacon Nick has rested, will you now his blog restore?
When can simple truth be published as it was in days of yore?"
Quoth the bishop, "Nevermore."

After 3 months of prayer and reflection, the deacon looks the worse for wear.

Phone tapps

Bosco and me was readin in de bloggs about de phone tappin scandal, so we decided dat dis was a reely smart idea, and we would put a tapp on de phone of Fr Xavier Pell de Mons of de Cathlic Church, as we needs to know what our ennemies is finking. So Bosco he went off to do dis deed, which is de sort of fing dat saved people can do and Jessus gonna say "Well done Bosco, I wish I'd fought of dat Meself". Fust Bosco went to the plubmers and bought some stuff.

I stayed at home lookin for Alfie de Pussy Cat, who seem to have escaped frew de cat flapp, and bitten a pliceman, before makin his getaway. De pliceman aint too happy about it, in fact he is in a comma. We is denying everyfing.

Well we got a phone call from Fr Xavier who said, "Bosco has you been foolin around wiv my tellephone, boy?" Bosco he dennies it and starts trying to change de toppic of consveration to de crimmes of de Cathlic church in A.D. 311 when dey was aparently a reel pest. Fr Xavier he says dat de phone rang, and when he answered it he got an earful of boilin water. "Oh, aint dat called Baptims?" asked Bosco. "I heard dat dis is what Cathlics get up to. Was dere a pigeon comin down too?"

To cut a long storry short, Fr X. Pell de Mons he slammed down de reciever of de phone and he aint talkin to us rihgt now.

Bosco, I looked out of de window, and de pliceman have been taken away. I heard de parrymedics sayin "I hope he can be saved", so dat's nice dey fink he's going to Jessus soon.

Bosco he is still plottin agianst me, cos of my luvvly blogg. He says "Eccles, you know where de boddies are burried, and you is gonna give it away by accident dat dey is under de floor of de dining room". But my lips is seeled.

Well, dat's all for now. Bosco, does you have any views about dis raven image? I fink if you kissed it you mihgt get a nasty peck.