This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 15 March 2015

Television show threatened after star involved in "fracas"

The future of the popular show "Pope Gear", also known as "Catholic Church", was in doubt today, after its star was involved in a "punching incident". According to reports, Jorge Bergoglio aimed a punch at an assistant producer, Dr Alberto Gasparri, after he was rude about his mother.

Pope Francis test drive

A scene from "Pope Gear". Jorge test-drives yet another weird car.

This is not the first time that Jorge has been involved in controversy. Many will remember his time in Argentina, when he managed to offend the government by attacking their same-sex marriage bill as a "‘move’ of the father of lies who seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God." Still, most Pope Gear fans supported him over that incident, feeling that his remarks were theologically correct even if not politically correct.

Pope on bus

Another stunt. A bus full of bishops races through the streets at 100 m.p.h.

However, nearer to home, Jorge has been associated with a string of gaffes that have been less easy to defend. His use of the term "self-absorbed, Promethean neo-Pelagians" offended many people who did not expect to hear such language on a family show. Then again, some old ladies were upset by his description of the European Union as "A Europe which is now a 'grandmother', no longer fertile and vibrant."


A bad role model? Jorge has been criticised for hardly ever wearing a seatbelt.

The show has also been accused of sexist attitudes by some critics. "Professor" Tuna Buttie (© Faith in our families), Director of the Digby Stuart Research Centre for Health, Money and Life Religion, Society and Human Flourishing, is a long-term critic of "Pope Gear", apparently because its main presenters are male. However, she has never really understood what is expected on the show, and it has been suggested many times that she would be happier with another programme such as Eastenders, where abortion, same-sex relationships and divorce are considered more acceptable.

Tina Beattie flower-arranging

"Here I am, a professor, and they ask me to teach flower-arranging," complains Tina.

So what of the future? Will Pope Gear continue with another presenter? The late Raymond Burke-Star, the BBC's motoring correspondent and presenter of Tomorrow's World, has been making a comeback recently, with a highly successful UK tour. Will he take over the sedes calida? And if he does, will Jorge start a new show, or join his predecessor in retirement?

Raymond Baxter

Raymond Burke-Star, the thinking man's motorist.


  1. It would be wonderful if Jorge Bergolio followed on from his predecessor and took early retirement. Actually it would have been even better if he had retired before he began. As for Teeny Weeny she even protested on LifeSite News that she was not an abortion supporter.. at least not when they had reached gestation.

  2. Pope John Paul II's 1975 Ford Escort made £340,000 in 2005

    Will Pope Gear do better with his 20-year old Renault 4?

    1. Why not a BMW? Pope Gear's predecessor was excellent. With him at the wheel it never swerved or went off the road.

  3. I understand another one of Pope Gear's presenters was involved in a 150 mph crash. Fr Thomas Roséwine - the excitable policy tester - went off the road in a dragster race with a Canadian blogger. After he turned over three times and ended up in hospital, he said he wasn't trying to win anyway.