This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 7 December 2015

Britain is going to Hell, so let's help it along, says report

After two years of detailed analysis, a fancy commission, chaired by the retired judge Baroness Butler-Sloss, has noticed that, by and large Britain is going to Hell.

However, the brilliant Butler-Sloss team (including Rowan Williams, the former Archbishop of Canterbury) has found the solution: help it on its way!

the butler did it

Who produced this criminally stupid report?

* Kids aren't learning about Christianity? Then make sure they are taught less and less about Christianity!

* We are overwhelmed by people who, although they are not Muslims, bruv, do like killing people while shouting "Allahu Akbar!"? Then let's ask ISIS to send us more of the same, introduce Sharia law, and force all women to wear burkas!

* Faith schools are vaguely religious? Close them down, we can't have some people believing different things from others! We know how good bad Diversity is!

* Thought for the Day is watered down so much that it's hard to find any religious content? Then let's introduce some specifically non-religious thoughts for the day! Perhaps Richard Dawkins with his "abort the Downs kids"? Or Polly Toynbee?

Polly and Giles

The new-look Thought for the Day

* People aren't going to church? Then extend Sunday trading and make it more difficult for people to go to church!

* Our churches are led by a bunch of self-serving weeds who don't really believe in God? Then let's appoint some specifically secular bishops!

* Marriage and the family are being totally undermined? Then let's destroy marriage and the family by allowing people to marry their uncles, aunts, household pets and washing machines!


A washing-machine gives birth to a baby. Note that it emerges fully clothed.

The Butler-Sloss approach to "fixing broken Britain" obviously has many applications in everyday life.

My car has a puncture. Have you thought about sticking needles into the tyres?

My house is flooded as a result of the recent rains. We recommend turning on a few taps and emptying some bottles of water over the floor.

flooded house

"It's not working. We need more water!"

There is a famous retired judge who, every time she says something, makes me want to bite the carpet. Why not get her to chair a commission, so that she has the opportunity to make her views more widely known? Meanwhile, make sure you stock up on carpets!

Yes, that seems to be the answer.


  1. That woman sounds like she's slossed. Forgive my lithp.

  2. When's the next one-way flight to Reykjavik ?

  3. Discrimination Offices could be approached in Britain : English bishops and FIUV withholding information from Catholics

  4. I think you are reading too much negativity into this report by Candy (to her friend) and Rowan Atkinson (the druid), nothing much will change. It could, for example, reflect the the saving of marriage: In these days when ... persons and other persons choose not to marry, Gays lead the rush to marriage.

    So they are right in saying 'thingies' should reflect our way of life in Britain.

    For Loaves and fishes, read food banks (no relation to the goalkeeper).

    JC walking on water, replaced by JC walking on water (despite the speech by Hillary Benn) catch my drift? Floods notwithstanding.

    (Loved the pictorial pun... "The Butler did it")

  5. I recall a small niece of mine, some years ago, wheeling the unfortunate cat around in a toy pram and announcing that when she grew up she was going to marry him. Good job it was a few years ago or the powers that be would have had her surgically re-assigned to being a cat and married off to Sandy by now....

    OF COURSE they (the P.t.B) want to trumpet that Britain is no longer a Christian country. That way they don't have to feel even a smidgin of guilt or even oddity about totally neglecting Christianity's precepts and practices.

  6. I listened to a Catholic (sic) Archbishop on the radio this very day decrying the lack of friendly contact and 'dialogue' between members of the Church founded by the Son of God and that sect founded by a son of Satan that goes in for horrendous acts of violence against non-members and especially Christians. I am guessing that the baby in the washing machine hid there when that successor of the Apostles came on the radio and is asking 'is it over?'. If I had fitted in mine, I would have done the same.

    1. Well there's plenty of "dialogue" and collaboration between Francis's NWO global dictatorial religion and that of Mahommet.

  7. I must say Eccles, your idea of aborting Polly Toynbee does confuse me.

    I know that abortion is ALWAYS wrong, but Polly Toynbee......sometimes we do experience hard cases.

  8. Remember the Saint of Christian/ Muslim dialogue, Ramon Lull, he was killed in North Africa in the name of Allah.

  9. In the battle between good and evil we're not supposed to let the devil in. We're called to conquer evil, not deal/dialogue with it.

  10. I thought Britain had already arrived there.