This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 30 December 2015

Church affected by Storm Frank

Storm Francis - or "Frank" to its friends - has now hit the UK, and is said to be having serious effects on certain churches.

Pope Francis in the wind

The effects of Storm Frank

Said one traditionally-minded priest: "I had a large pile of orthodox teaching on my desk, and it's now all been blown away. What just blew in, in its place, is a load of rubbish about Jesus apologising to Mary for being left behind in the temple. It wouldn't even fool the children's Sunday School."

Wizard of Oz storm

A liberal theologian flies past on her way to a Woman's Hour interview.

Fortunately, the Catholic Church has provided itself with some defence against the effects of Storm Frank. All its priests have been issued with a striking new protective costume, including wooden "hover-skis" which will enable them to rescue lost sheep from the deluge.

Year of Mercy logo

A priest on hover-skis rescues a poor one-eyed man from the floods.

So... batten down the hatches!


  1. Remember those Blue Peter competitions where the young viewers were invited to design a set of stamps or a new logo for a Counter Terrorist organisation and when the winning entry was finally unveiled, you couldn't help but wonder if it was all their own work? Well, I'm reasonably certain that 'Year of Mercy' emblem was indeed down solely to the efforts of a six year old.

  2. Oh Bruv. 'Storm Frank'!?
    I bet you could hardly believe your luck. You'd almost think it was heaven-sent if it wasn't for the fact that science has irrefutably proved that God hasn't taken any interest in the weather since the end of the Little Ice Age

  3. Since when did storm-naming occur in reverse alphabetical order? 'Vincent' shouldn't appear for months yet but he's been causing mayhem and confusion for, well, far too long now.

  4. Recognized her right away...that's Rita Lucey flying by on her bicycle, racing to her ordination....broom in hand.

  5. I am a bit concerned about the one-eyed man, but I suppose he is in good hands...? I just hope he holds on tightly through the storm. And pub-crawler is right: hover-skis won't work in this situation.

  6. There seems to be a little confusion. The poster is of the forthcoming 'Power Wrestling' contest that periodically takes place in Rome. (two throws, one hold down or an excommunication)

    As for the weather, here you are all getting out of your depth and could soon end up in hot water - if I might quote Noah - "You ain't seen nuffin yet folks".
    Many are unaware that it was Noah that invented water skiing: towing from the ark.

    Hope this helps,

  7. How far down the scale will these weather-event namings go? TV weathergirl: “In the south east, Blustery Billy will see the morning begin on an unsettled note, followed later by Light Shower Larry, but ending more pleasantly with Sunny-Intervals Susie".

  8. In Florida such storms are called in Hurricane Frank...and are rated on their wind speed from 1 to 5.
    1) Very dangerous winds will produce some damage (74-95 mph)
    2) Extremely dangerous winds will cause extensive damage (96-110 mph)
    3) Devastating damage will occur (111-129 mph)
    4) Catastrophic damage will occur (130-156 mph)
    5) Major catastrophic damage will occur lasting for months (157 mph or higher)

    Just trying to be helpful so people can figure out the extent of damage done by the current storm in their respective areas.

    1. Thank you, Susan. Hurricanes is in fact the International term, insofar as we all suffer from wind at this time of year; as decreed by Brussels.

  9. Round here it's something like:
    1) Off-the-cuff remarks. Not a serious problem.
    2) Interviews with very old journalists. Damage easily repaired.
    3) Stern lectures to the Curia. Longer-term damage.
    4) Encyclicals. Considered catastrophic in many circles.
    5) Synods. Widespread damage.