This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 7 December 2016

Fawlty Dogmas

In memory of Andrew Sachs, we announce a remake of the popular comedy show Fawlty Towers with an all-star cast as follows:

Fawlty Towers cast

An all-star cast outside the Vatican.

Jorge Bergoglio is Pope Fawlty, the proprietor of the Vatican Hotel, who spends much of his time insulting the guests.

Thomas Rosica takes the part of Sybil, who "can kill a man at 10 paces with one blow of his tongue".

Antonio Spadaro ("I'm sorry, he's from Messina") is Manuel, the hapless menial whose attempts to run the hotel in Fawlty's absence always go wrong.

The lovely James Martin SJ plays the part of Polly, the waitress.

Laurel and Hardy in drag

Polly (James Martin) and Sybil (Thomas Rosica) make a phone call.

We are promised lots of slapstick humour, especially from Manuel. For example Fawlty's urgent "Manuel, if you are asked, you know nothing about the Dubia" leads to Manuel's inevitable catchphrase "I know nar-thing!"

One classic episode is "The Germans" in which a party of German heretics drops into the Vatican. "Don't mention the Gospels!" insists Fawlty. "I did, but I think I got away with it." The Germans (Kasper, Marx, etc.) are not impressed.

Mr Greedy

Cardinal Dolan, a guest star in "Gourmet Night".

Another famous story is the "Church Inspectors", in which a party of four cardinals is reported to be in Rome, asking embarrassing questions, to the consternation of Fawlty. This includes the celebrated scene with the line "I was looking at Cardinal Burke, but I was actually addressing someone else when I said 'witless worm'."

Witless worm

"What is wormless wit?" asks Manuel.

Most catastrophic of all is "The Builders" in which a party of cowboy theologians attempts some reconstruction work at the Vatican, and punches a hole in the Magisterium!

Eccles rating: Did I like it? Yes or No? Sorry, I don't give binary answers to abstract questions.


  1. LOL...Oh, you are such a cheeky carthlic Eccles!...highlighting the 'truth' through humour.

    Never fear... your followers will be standing by with hoses when the smoke starts rising from the stake.Just remember keep on answering " I know narthing"...well it's true isn't it?:)

  2. Francis is like the English Lord, Lord Melbury, who only uses one name. When Fawlty asks Melbury to sign both his names he replies, "No, I only use one. I'm Lord Melbury so I simply sign 'Melbury'."

    Francis could play the part of Lord Melbury in that episode. When asked to sign both his names, the pope says, "No, I only use one. I'm Pope Francis but I simply sign 'Francis'."

  3. And Melbury was a fake lord if I recall correctly....

  4. Right! He was arrested for impersonation. Just how much acting skill is required for this part?

  5. That's correct, but just before Francis accepted the part of this Fawlty Towers role as a fake, he made it quite clear to the world that anything fake was to be compared to coprophilia. So maybe in this role he considers himself to be genuine?