This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 15 February 2017

Why didn't Pope Francis stick to Chemistry?

Buenos Aires, late 1950s.

So, how's your new chemical technician getting on?

Bunsen and Beaker

A young Jorge Bergoglio makes coffee for Hans Küng (nothing but repeats on this blog...)

You mean Bergoglio? Yes, there are one or two problems, especially when his experiments don't work out the way he expected them to.

Distant cries of "You pickled pepper-faced alkali!" followed by the crash of a flask being thrown against the wall.

I see. How did he get on with analysing that sample I sent you? Does it contain any latent arsenic?

He won't tell me, says it's a binary question. He's written an impenetrable report Análisis Latentia, but you're a better man than I am if you can understand what his conclusions are.

I gather he's published a research paper all about chemicals loosening bonds and recombining with other chemicals?

Yes, it contradicts all previous theories on the subject, and says that recombining is perfectly possible if "discernment" is applied first. Apparently the laws of physics are just there to be broken.

toxic chemical

Coccopalmerite - an elusive chemical, sometimes hard to locate.

Distant cries of "You rigid watered-down sloth-diseased ascetic acid!" as a beaker crashes through the window hitting little Agustin Iverio on the head.

He'll have to go, you know. I see that the Jesuit Seminary is advertising a scholarship that might suit him. That would get him off your hands.

But he's never expressed any interest in religion. Oh, I see, you said "Jesuit". Silly me...

The rest is history.

6 comments:

  1. Oh, and dear, and my....
    Pope Francis was not a very good chemistry assistant because at heart he is a physicist. Never mind that chemistry follows physics.
    In fact, he is the first contemporary physicist to invoke and bestow upon theology (and upon mathematical rigorism and those doctors) the logic of the state of existence of Schrodinger's poor cat. Dead and alive, sinful and yet not sinful - are we forgetting this duality demonstrated by quantum physics ? Fortunately, the cat lived with the unpastoral and merciless neo-pelagian Schrodinger. Also, he was a personal example of the failure of ecumenical unity between Catholics and Lutherans. But even that can be explained away as - like the cat - he was simultaneously both, and only became an atheist when the situation was examined closely. (1 plus 1 =0) Additionally, perhaps the Church is not a living organism like the cat.


    "The Copenhagen Interpretation of quantum mechanics essentially states that an object in a physical system can simultaneously exist in all possible configurations, but observing the system forces the system to collapse and forces the object into just one of those possible states. Schrödinger disagreed with this interpretation.
    So what does this have to do with cats? Schrödinger wanted people to imagine that a cat, poison, a geiger counter, radioactive material, and a hammer were inside of a sealed container. The amount of radioactive material was minuscule enough that it only had a 50/50 shot of being detected over the course of an hour. If the geiger counter detected radiation, the hammer would smash the poison, killing the cat. Until someone opened the container and observed the system, it was impossible to predict if the cat’s outcome. Thus, until the system collapsed into one configuration, the cat would exist in some superposition zombie state of being both alive and dead.
    Of course, Schrödinger claimed, that was ridiculous. Quantum superposition could not work with large objects such as cats, because it is impossible for an organism to be simultaneously alive and dead. Thus, he reasoned that the Copenhagen Interpretation must be inherently flawed. While many people incorrectly assume Schrödinger supported the premise behind the thought experiment, he really didn’t. His entire point was that it was impossible.
    While it is true that modern experiments have revealed that while quantum superposition does work for tiny things like electrons, larger objects must be regarded differently."

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    Replies
    1. But we see that a man can be a pope and not-pope, at the same time.
      Eccles, funny! Those sound just like his insults.

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    2. I believe a man cannot be pope and not pope at the same time. However he can be an anti-pope, an impostor, a fraud, a liar, a schemer, an apostate, a heretic, a machiavelic politician, and an evil man, all at the same time.

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  2. Let's just hope he doesn't write an Apostolic letter on transsupstantiation.Then we'll see some real dubia...

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  3. It is rumoured that the conclusions of Análisis Latentia are to be found in footnote 42 of paragraph 101, and are merely nebulous allusions to a theory (still awaiting independent review)expounded in the earlier research paper; namely, that it is indeed possible for chemicals to loosen bonds, provided discernment is applied in powder form for seven years to provide a sufficiently intense itch to cause the chemicals to divest themselves of their electrovalent combinations.

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  4. This one was my first, well needed, chuckle for today!

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