This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 17 June 2017

Fr James Martin answers your questions

Dear Fr Martin. I understand that you are a Bridge expert?

Jim: Yes, my son!

Fr Jim and heretical book

In his new book Fr Jim argues that the LGBT Church must accept Catholics.

Well, answer me this then. The bidding at a game in my seminary went as follows:

North-South vulnerable, East-West predatory.
2 Hearts
I'd like to make a pass.
I am if you are.
West has no honour, so how should he bid?

card players

Playing the Jesuit convention: make up the rules as you go along.

Jim: NO TRUMP! NO TRUMP! NO TRUMP! Oh how we hate him!

I have a very simple question, Fr Jim. Is there anything at all that you consider sinful?

Actually, sin is never mentioned in the Bible, so who am I to say that anything is wrong? Still, I do get cross when Fr Thomas Reese steals the last fairy cake, or whenever someone calls me a heretic. Don't they realise that I am now a very important adviser to Pope Francis?

Tay Bridge


Beautiful Bridge so proudly gay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That thousands of souls have been led astray
By that wretched book on building a bridge,
The Catholic way, including, er, um, bondage.

William McGonagall SJ.
Let's forget all this bridge nonsense for a moment, Fr Jim. Could you explain again your theory that Mary Magdalene was the first bishop? It always brings me out in giggles...


  1. The bridge must be the Rainbow Connection! Kermit the frog sang about it - starts at 0:17
    " ..Have you been half asleep, and have you heard voices?....Is is the sweet sound that calls the young sailor?"

  2. You should have asked him how many men in dresses he has re-baptised.

  3. I recommend Daniel Mattson's new book instead: Why I Don't Call Myself Gay