This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 12 June 2017

Pope Francis approves electronic tagging for clergy

As reported by Rorate Caeli, the Vatican is taking steps to keep its cardinals under control; if one of them is absent from Rome he is asked to let the Secretariat know where he is.

map of Kent

Sensors indicate that Cardinal Burke is hiding somewhere round here.

In phase 2, it is planned to extend this to all clergy, with the introduction of electronic tagging using the TAGLETM: this is a white collar worn round the neck, and if you see any priests so dressed, you can be sure that they are already under surveillance.

The Vatican's main computer AMORIS (Analytical Machine for Organizing Radically Innovative Services) will process the data transmitted by priests and bishops worldwide, and flag up any signs of "rigid" practice. For example, the tag will be able to detect whether the priest is facing east for an extended period of time, and warn the Pope that an Extraordinary Form Mass may be taking place. In addition, a smoke detector fitted to the tag will record the excessive use of incense.

EF Mass

A rigid priest. No chance of promotion if this gets out!

Priests who wish their masses to find favour with the Pope are recommended to move around a lot, perhaps in some form of liturgical dance, as the tag will detect this and transmit a signal saying "It's OK, this priest is one of us". Also the tag will detect (and approve) the use of hymns with particularly banal rhythms and harmony, especially those containing clapping and words such as "Ch-ch". On the other hand, sounds of Gregorian chant will set off a persistent high-pitched whistling from the tag. You have been warned, Father.

Fr Rosica

"Nothing can block the signal!" A model shows off the Rosica version.


  1. u r too funny ! But, I needed a good laugh , so tyvm

  2. Shocking.
    Shock collars next for you barkers.
    (Sensors also indicate many disordered life forms in the vicinity. Shields up captain!)

  3. Tracking devices for holy men of God what happened to the full leadership of the Holy Spirit whom should have that right over His Ministering Servants through Jesus Christ

  4. Good one.
    What a pathetic statement, how we see so many clergy and laity are just willing to go along with the evil Francischurch. What would happen if many people just started to say "no", and withdraw?

  5. So next time we hear a weary cleric saying "What's the Bloody Point?" we know he's just referring to his golf club outside Sandwich.