This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 7 October 2020

Pope wins Nobel prize for Boredom

It's the season for awarding Nobel prizes (Roger Penrose got one for his work on Black Holes Matter), and, as was widely expected, Pope Francis has been awarded the Nobel prize for Boredom, on account of his encyclical Tutti Frutti, as everyone is calling it.

word cloud

This is what it's all about.

The prize-winning work is said to draw on the writings of such renowned theologians as Karl Marx, Maximilien Robespierre, John Lennon, Meghan Markle, and Greta Thunberg, with lots of citations of the humblest pope in history (Pope F*****s). To get some flavour of it, pick three words at random from the word cloud above, and form them into a sentence. Bonus marks if you spot anything to do with religion, such as "God", "Jesus" or "Sin".

So we dipped in and got "world", "people" and "dignity". Our message to you all is "The dignity of the people of the world." Or possibly "Dignity from the world of people." You can probably find both phrases somewhere in Tutti Frutti.

women putting a duvet into its cover

Useful advice on putting duvets into covers!

Of course, not everyone is an admirer of this masterpiece. We have heard two criticisms:

1. The title "Fratelli tutti" is sexist, and so no self-respecting womyn should read the encyclical. Sigh... we know what's in it... just a catalogue of ways that Catholics are encouraged to oppress womyn. Pope Francis thinks that all womyn are good for is putting duvets into covers! Come on, sisters, let's go to the Vatican and have a sit in! Bring your duvets!

2. Pope Francis doesn't like the death penalty. So Catholic teaching has changed. Next week, Catholic teaching on abortion, homosexuality, drug orgies, embezzling money, and framing Australian cardinals may also be changing. Do let us know your suggestions!

Prof. Massimo Faggioli, top gelato Catholic, distributing copies of Tutti Frutti.

So, nothing new, and a worthy recipient of the Nobel Prize for Boredom.


  1. Accurate review yet again, dear Bruvver!

  2. "Violence", "justice", and "peace" must mean "Violence is justice and peace" - the motto of Marxists everywhere. Come to think of it, it's also Islam's motto.

  3. Eccles, as you know, Franciscan scholarship never permits one simple version of any 13th century event in the Spoleto valley, and the duvet incident requires a more nuanced interpretation. Recent x-ray analysis of the Giotto fresco has shown that there was no duvet inside the cover that Francis gave to the poor man. This incident is almost certainly related to the recently recovered lost chapter of the Little Flowers (added to Part II, as Chapter XVI in the new edition) which tells of one harsh winter when Brother Juniper cut up Francis's duvet and glued the feathers to the poor cold chickens of Assisi to keep them warm. Franciscan scholars are divided about the need to reassess Francis's saintly act of generosity, now they know he gave away the duvet cover because he no longer had any further use for it. In the latest brawl in the lower basilica concerning this issue, an OFM Capuchin historian was hospitalised by an OFM Conventual theologian and the fighting continued into the streets of the town, hampered by social distancing rules.

  4. Personally, I have never found tutti frutti boring, but in this case...zzzzzz....

  5. A-bop-bop, a-loo-mop, a-lop-bop-bop

    Anyone who thinks otherwise is obviously an Unreconstructed Ossified Manualist.