This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 11 November 2020

Uncle Ted's Cabin - how it was all Viganò's fault

There was universal rejoicing in the Catholic Church this week when the long-awaited McCarrick report was finally published. The investigators were charged with finding the answer to one simple question: Why don't people like Uncle Ted McCarrick, despite his record of devotion to young seminarians and influence over a generation of bishops, archbishops, and even cardinals? Was it something he said?

McCarrick and chums

"Good news! They say it was all Viganò's fault!"

We looked at the records of all the popes involved. John Paul II, who appointed Uncle Ted to Newark and then Washington? Well, he's a saint, and thus beyond criticism. When he received a letter from a priest saying "McCarrick touched me," he wrote back, saying "Yes, we are all touched by his saintliness."

Benedict XVI? Well, if we're going to blame a pope it has to be him, as (1) John Paul II is untouchable (see above), and (2) Francis has also been seeing trying on haloes at Gammarelli's in anticipation of his own future canonization. When Benedict received a letter accusing Ted of grooming, he banned him from molesting horses in future, but this didn't seem to solve the problem.

No, it is clear where the blame lies - fair and square in the court of Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò, arch-enemy of Pope Francis, and even more so of Cardinals Cupich, Wuerl, Farrell, Tobin, old Uncle Wilt Gregory and all. You see, Uncle Ted never had a chance. If Viganò had only kept quiet, like Sodano, Bertone, Parolin, and 250 other bishops, then there would never have been a scandal. Writing an 11-page letter full of salacious innendos about a saintly man who was by all accounts a model of hospitality? What good could that do?

Could this be the most evil man in the world?

It's true that in 2018 Pope Francis asked Uncle Ted to observe a life of prayer and penance in seclusion. This should not be seen as any criticism of the old man - when one is 88 years old and slightly religiously-inclined, then it is a good time to learn how to pray. Also, removing McCarrick's red hat was a pure misunderstanding. You see, one day Uncle Ted turned up at the Vatican and disappeared off to the bath-house with some friends, as was his custom. He was overheard encouraging them with cries of "It's time we unfrocked ourselves," and somehow this became interpreted as the cardinal's wish to be laicised. We think it was all the fault of that malicious man Viganò.

In summary this whole affair is the fault of Viganò and nobody else. Luckily, although McCarrick has now retired to "Dunpervin", a remote beach house, his influence lives on. Practically all the bishops in the United States have had their careers touched by him, and often a lot more. All that remains is to find a suitable punishment for Viganò. Did we mention that Viganò is to blame?

Two saints in one photo!

14 comments:

  1. Put that holy card in my Missalette right by my Pachamama one.

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  2. Replies
    1. How can your stomach not churn, when it emerges that Martin Luther King was a foul racist, Pierre Curie an evil misogynist, and Winston Churchill a surrender monkey.

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    2. I am increasingly fascinated by religious "culture wars", Jabba, as you will know from following my "Walking Out of the World" virtual pilgrimage to Compostela (equusasinus.net blog link in Eccles' sidebar). Since Eccles is not averse to referencing Monty Python's Life of Brian, and it goes very suitably with the present papacy, I would helpfully suggest that anyone earnestly engaged in eccles-iastical culture wars should revisit the absurd blasphemy debate: Malcolm Muggeridge & Bishop Mervyn Stockwood versus Pythons John Cleese & Michael Palin. It is easily found on YouTube. Meanwhile, Jabba, you forgot to add your outrage that Cardinal John Henry Newman was a fascist. Pull his statue down!

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  3. Vigano is the only reason I even know of it at all and I am to believe he is the problem. Not happening and how pathetic they even tried.

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  4. Praise Pachamommy that the true culprit has been unmasked! Can a defrocking and dungeon-time be far behind?

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  5. NOT a parody -- here is a Credo that was used at Mass somewhere in Mexico :

    I believe in Pope Francis as the legitimate Successor of the Apostle Peter. I believe that the Holy Ghost speaks to the Church through him. I believe that he guides the Catholic Church as a true Pastor. I believe that he is diligently concerned with all of humanity, because we are all brothers and sons of God. I believe in his magisterium, which is in perfect harmony with the faith and morals of the Church. I believe that his personal opinions reflect the evangelical attitude of the believers in Christ. I reject all offenses, aspersions, and insults towards his person. As for those who reject his authority, I affirm that they are in ecclesiastical error as much as in error of communion.

    We ask all of this of Thee, O Lord, through Jesus Christ Our Lord.

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  6. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the Austrian pachamama hit team could return at night to the Vatican gardens to cleanse them of the p- mma desecration. Benedict's tunnel rescue team knows to to do covert digging

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  7. Wow...you folks analyze way too much. No wonder people are confused about the Church. My prayers to and for you.

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  8. Dear Eccles,
    Are you well? Missing your take on things.

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    1. I'm fine, thanks. Just very busy with work, and not really in the mood for blogging when I get some spare time. I expect that normal service will be resumed fairly soon.

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    2. "Not really in the mood" for it? And all the while, Nora Battie in Roehampton Centre for Heretical Flourishing is writtin better Christmas demon fiction than Hilary Mantel's hysterical novels? You call yourself savd? You need to go on a pigrimmage.

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  9. McCarrick's sodomite career began when he was 15 years old when he was expelled from XAVIER HIGH SCHOOL IN NYC for reasons never disclosed. No one has ever asked Xavier for the files. Nor has anyone asked for Fordham Prep's records as to how McCarrick, after poor grades and truancy at, and expulsion from Xavier, was admitted to Fordham Prep. What did he do for those 18 months from May 1946 to September 1947? Was Cardinal Nellie Spellman's sodomite mafia grooming Teddy? Promising him all the sex he wanted with protection from the hierarchy if he did their Communist bidding? How else could Teddy have gotten into Fordham Prep and suddenly zoomed to the top of his class, graduating in 1949 with 4 superiors and being named Fordham Prep's "Whiz Kid of 1949"? (I have a copy of their "Whiz Kid" page from their website before it was removed when McCarrick was defrocked a few years ago.)

    All the rest of McCarrick's career being examined now means nothing if no one looks into the BEGINNING of his rise to power. I tell you - IT BEGAN WHEN HE WAS EXPELLED FROM XAVIER. Someone with power needs to go to Xavier and demand McCarrick's files and grade reports and the reason for his expulsion (was he caught in a homosexual relationship with a classmate or priest there then groomed for the priesthood as a willing pawn of the sodomite mafia in the Catholic Church?). Then they need to go to Fordham Prep and look at who signed off on his entrance papers in 1947.

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