This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 15 September 2012

Justice for Tina!

Reprinted from the Tablet.

Tina Beattie

(Tina) Beattie - a martyr for our times

Over the years, many people have suffered martyrdom at the hands of the Catholic church: one thinks of Galileo, cruelly persecuted for claiming that it got dark at night, and Cranmer, burnt at the stake for writing a blog critical of Queen Mary. But surely the case of Professor Tina Beattie is a new low in the history of the Catholic church - a pernicious institution that the Tablet has consistently opposed.

Justice for Tina

The news of Tina's persecution has led to riots worldwide.

Tina Beattie, an illustrious advocate of same-sex partnerships, was invited to give a lecture at Clifton Cathedral in Bristol, her subject being "What happens if we pour phosphorus down our trousers - Luminous Genitals." However, the invitation was subsequently withdrawn by the bishop, Declan Lang, after complaints to the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in Rome, who reportedly said "Are you sure she's one of our lot?"

The Tablet is shocked that a Catholic bishop should personally intervene to decide what goes on in his own cathedral, and particularly when he is seen to be taking advice from Rome, almost as if the Pope were there to be obeyed, rather than insulted.

Lang and Pope

An incriminating picture, showing that Declan Lang is on good terms with the Pope

The Tablet will not cease to campaign for Justice for Tina. In this week's prize competition, you are invited to complete the following in not more than ten words:

I think Declan Lang should be.....

The prize on offer for the most painful suggestion is a copy of Sister Margaret Farley's latest book: What fun can a monk have? Nun! (Saucy stories from the convent).

Meanwhile, Prof. Beattie is taking the news of her rejection very stoically, and the students at Roehampton are eagerly anticipating her forthcoming lecture courses:

Catholic bullying - from St Paul to Declan Lang, and

Catholics and voodoo - can we pin down the Pope?


A topless photo of the Duchess of Cambridge has come into our possession. Since we do not see anything very shocking in the content, we have decided to post it below.

Topless photo of Princess Kate

A topless photo of the Duchess of Cambridge

19 comments:

  1. I think Declan Lang should be thrown off the Clifton Suspension Bridge with a cement dove around his neck. Alternatively, he should be locked in a cage with a posse of Anti Moly's possums under his cassock, and made to listen to Fr Arfurs sermons while Sr Muriel teaches Paul Halsall liturgical dirty dancing to the music of Paul Inwood.

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    1. Yup, dat seems pretty uncontroversail, Jaddis.

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  2. darling eccles, surely the ultimate punishment would to be make him roll on the floor with Micky and Moly whilst listening to biodax's posts being read aloud? xx Jess

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    1. Dat's reely creul, Jess. Sometimes I finks you has a viscous nature.

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    2. Sorry Eccles, a rabit made me do it xx Jess

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  3. Just who does that Catholic Bishop think he is, insisting on Theology in keeping with the Catholic Faith. He ought to be summarily found guilty of incitement to hatred against the whole class of "tolerant and compassionate" Catholic theologians.

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  4. Thanks for this. I was visiting my mother in hospital in Canada today (cancer .. Not much time left) and I showed her the topless picture of Kate. We both laughed. What a useful blog this has been for me. Thanks for making my mother laugh.

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    1. Glad to be helpful for once! Seriously, I'm sure many here will say prayers for your mother.

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  5. Usually I find your blog inspiring, academically and theologically sound, and a great way to unwind after a Sunday morning conducting singing lessons for my donkeys. Today, however, I am shocked to find a topless photograph of the Duchess of Cambridge on your blog. This is going too far. You are descending into the cheap sensationalism that has ended in a gay meltdown on Damian Thompson´s blog. Shame on you, Eccles.

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    1. Why has DT not made something of the Beattie issue when he raised the lecture a year ago?
      I suggest it is because of what he has confirmed this week, and she is supportive of gays though she does not specifically promote gay marriage.
      The point is her lecture was nothing to do with homosexuality and was on a subject in which she excels.

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  6. I had thought you were exaggerating the state of Damian's blog till I checked it just now, Rabit. I am going back in to rescue Phil, then I will leave itas the gays are all hand bagging each other.

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  7. The only reason Tina gains an invite to any function is because she is hot. I blame her pathetic excuse for a husband. Grow a pair sir!

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  8. jadis
    Thank you for rescuing me from the gays. How can 1.5% of the population cause such a commotion?
    I'll be frank. We liberals like Tina but I think she should have steered clear of this minefield.

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    1. Why do you like her, Phil. You are probably better qualified in Sociology and Theology than she is. Doesn't her relentless chiselling at the hierarchy upset you as a Catholic who supports the current magic circle?

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  9. Darling Eccles, here you will find some ecceptionall nuorishment for your bad hymms series:
    http://www.crisismagazine.com/2012/paint-by-number-hymns

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  10. I think that Bp Lang should be sent to St Whillamina's retirement home for the terminally brave as a reward, then the good Catholics of Clifton should kidnapp Fr Alexander Redman (top notch priest) and present him to the nuncio as Bp Langs successor

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  11. I attended an event by an Aussie Sheila going by the name of Tracey Rowland. The post-Q&A of any event nowadays is guaranteed to sink it and Tracey's was no exception. Rowland suggested that our seminarians have not read enough Nietzsche in order to understand what our enemies are saying about us. A curious conclusion to reach when 85% of those who pass through a RCIA program lapse within 4 years. If we could kick “our enemies” out from the administration of the RCIA then we might be getting somewhere. She also stated that we need a “multi-disciplinary approach to theology” when I had been given to believe (sic) that God had already covered that one with the Incarnation.

    It was the Q&A where it all kicked off. It turns out that poor Tracey, who is a JPII gal, was wasting her time with her half-baked radical orthodoxy. The punters want Tina and it they don’t get her she presents her paper by proxy.

    Let Tina talk!

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    1. 85% ?! Where did you get those figures from?

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