This is me, Eccles
Tuesday, 29 December 2020
How to revive a dead Apostolic Exhortation
This is the latest instalment in our series "How to be a good pope", intended mainly for those who one day expect to be sleeping with the Keys to Heaven under their pillow, and giving out red hats to all their best mates. (To judge by the number of hits this blog gets, only people expecting the very top job will actually read this.) Now, one thing that popes do is to write encyclicals and apostolic exhortations. Most of these are destined to gather dust in the Vatican library, and most of your cardinals will be borrowing copies of How to hide your drug habit and Money-laundering for beginners rather than one of Pope Leo XIII's 88 encyclicals (yes, really), and he was an Agatha Christie compared with you.
least likely to embarrass you most reflecting
with lots of pictures of YOU doing family-type things - you know, smiling at children as if you liked the little beasts, blessing
families, etc. Try to avoid the one featuring father, mother, father's previous wife, father's mistress, and mother's live-in lesbian lover,
no matter what Fr James Martin says; also the one where the kids wouldn't smile and you hit them.
Now, you need a good programme of events to keep things going. Organize a "We love Amorous Lascivia" conference with distinguished
speakers such as Austen Ivereigh and Massimo Faggioli. You may have to do it by ZOOM: some of the speakers will prefer
this as they won't have to wear trousers. Next get those unsold AMOROUS LASCIVIA tee-shirts and coffee mugs from the cellar. Be imaginative!
There, that'll stop them worrying about the mess you got into with the Pachamama Synod!