The synod to end all synods

Yes, it's the synod to end all synods. A small group of specially-chosen "experts" is going through all the reports received from people who felt they needed a good moan about the Catholic Church. Do we want gender-fluid bishops? A new Bible with all the embarrassing bits about sin removed? The canonization of George Floyd? Embezzlement to be no longer a sin? Well, Francis is favourable to most of these, so we just have to find a way of changing Catholic teaching without too much of a revolt (cf. Amoris Laetitia).

The experts have to be fit. Here they are seen doing exercise number 666 in the Bishop Barron Weightwatchers Guide.

Show and tell! As a bonding exercise, the experts are encouraged to bring items that mean something to them - portraits of their family, idols, bottles of port, etc. - to share with the other experts.

Our resident psychiatrist, Dr Spotda Luni, remarks "These graffiti, produced by a disturbed teenager in the Church of Bedlam synodal group, show severe signs of schizophrenia. Is the patient for or against fidelity, intolerance, deep why care (whatever that may be), and abuse? Is it just a long nightmare, or were drugs involved? We doctors find that encouraging nutters (apologies for using a technical term) to do brain dumps like this can help them to become more accepted by society.

Finally, Austen Ivereigh leads the experts in a dance to celebrate the fact that their work is over and the Catholic Church is now indistinguishable from the Church of England.