This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday 25 June 2013

A guide to the Novus Ordo 2

Continued from Part 1.

The story so far: although more used to the Extraordinary Form of the Mass, our students are learning about the Ordinary Form. As today's lesson starts we are about to embark on the act of penitence. So far the church is not very full, because those who aren't sinners haven't yet bothered to show up.

church car park

At this stage, late-comers are probably outside, liturgically parking the car.

For those who got there on time, the chances are that you will say a prayer starting: I confess to almighty God and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have greatly sinned.

Note that in the earlier English translation of the Missal (undertaken by a distinguished team of scholars including Basil Loftus and a man who owned a Latin dictionary with only a few pages missing), the greatly wasn't present; that's because people didn't sin so much in those days. The new translation also adds through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault, and you are supposed to beat your breast, perhaps three times.

Mea maxima culpa

Mea maxima culpa! How to beat your breast.

Actually, it seems that most people don't bother to do the breast-beating thing. If you are holding a baby, then it's probably a dangerous thing to attempt, but your sins may well be forgiven, all the same.

If you're lucky you will also get a sung version of this: Lord have mercy. Kyrie Eleison. If you're less lucky it will be accompanied by a man on an electric organ, a spotty teenager with a guitar, and an old man playing some sort of recorder. This is to encourage you to cry out for mercy.

Lord have mercy!

Lord have mercy!

Well, that's over, the remaining stragglers have now turned up, usually squashing into the most crowded pews, and we are ready for the Gloria: Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to people of good will. In the earlier translation Lofty's pals got this wrong - possibly because some of them were not people of good will - and it came out as ...and peace to His people on earth.

astronaut

"On earth" was also deemed to include astronauts.

The Gloria, as re-translated by Arthur Roche and co, is now very similar to its Latin equivalent; however, the congregation are nowadays encouraged to use some of the time in consulting their mobile phones, texting friends, etc. This is so that they don't do it during the Liturgy of the Word.

Before that, we may be invited to participate in a moment of silent prayer. Do it quickly, since after about 0.0001 seconds the priest will rush into the Collect. We'll discuss the Bible readings next time.

Bible reading

At the next stage the lector does not need to be a priest.

14 comments:

  1. Actually, the consultation of the mobile phones might be more usefully done during the Homily.

    I mean, it’s not as if one would miss anything important…

    But maybe I’m anticipating you, Eccles.

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    1. I'll have plenty to say about homilies, bruv...

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    2. I guess that's why in the extraordinary form they don't bother with homiles 'cos they know they can't preach. 'Papa don't preach', as a religious sister used to sing long ago. So they didn't.

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  2. NO 2 is a good tile Eccles.....because no two are the same.

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    1. In contrast to EF's as exemplified by the LMS which are all too obviously the same, but not so clearly indicative of the splendour of the Roman Liturgy.

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  3. Nice picture of Dickie Darkins blowing into a breathalyser.

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  4. The Gloria? What's that? We do have something similar in my parish but the priest calls it 'the hymn of praise'. Obviously we, the congregation, are too stupid to be able to cope with a long word like...sorry, what was it again?

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    1. Recusant: too true!

      Our PP emeritus (80s…) likes to ‘simplify’ words for the rudi et crudi (which is all of us, of course) in the congregation. Readings must be introduced with mini-homilies - to understand the context, you see… All very Vat II.

      Words of more than one syllable - such as ‘many’ must be replaced with ‘all’. Much simpler, right? Gender-specific words like ‘he’ ‘him’ ‘his’ etc. must be emasculated.

      He hasn’t quite changed the Our Father – as yet. Any day now I expect to hear: “Our Whatever, who art…”

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    2. Oh Gloria I think, but hang on again isn't that the name of the pp's mistress. Now it wouldn't be right would it to confuse the hymn of praise with that other sacred cow!

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    3. And words like correct must be replaced by right, right or is it correct, right.

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    4. Now hang on a minute, be fair GOR, you only give one syllable of your name! I know you are probably dumbing down for any NO numpties like myself who may wander on to Eccles from time to time; but come on, even a stupid NO's like me is familiar with the word Gorillaz, they done some wicked tracks in our mist.

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    5. I come from a poor family, Simon. They couldn’t afford more than one syllable!

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  5. I try and hold my hand on my sternum area during 'Mea maxima Culpa'

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  6. The NO is gorilla warfare when all is said and done.

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