A song of multi-parent families

The story of the grey mère and the GM child.

Tom Pearce, Tom Pearce, lend me your young wife.
All along, down along, out along lea.
For I want to cre-ate a new human life,
With Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney,
Peter Davy, Dan'l Whiddon, Harry Hawke,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

On the way to the clinic.

But who will the poor kid call "Mother" and "Dad"?
All along, down along, out along lea.
This daft situation will drive the kid mad
Like Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney,
Peter Davy, Dan'l Whiddon, Harry Hawke,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

Thus Tom's wife was paid for the loan of her womb.
All along, down along, out along lea.
Since for Christian morality there is no room
Say Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney,
Peter Davy, Dan'l Whiddon, Harry Hawke,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

But this isn't the end o' this shocking affair.
All along, down along, out along lea.
And we really should utter a desperate prayer
For Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney,
Peter Davy, Dan'l Whiddon, Harry Hawke,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all,
Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

A more traditional two-father no-mother family.

Pope Francis to be canonized

Following vigorous demands from the singer Elton John and the rest of the liberal establishment, is has been agreed that Pope Francis should be canonized with immediate effect.

Pope Francis tries his new halo for size.

Readers will have noticed that canonization times have been sharply cut in recent years, owing to an increased efficiency in approving applications. This is due to the use of computers, the Internet, etc. Whereas Queen Jadwiga of Poland (d. 1399) had to wait just under 600 years for a Polish pope to come along and canonize her, it is now felt that anyone who is not a complete waster should be canonized within 2 or 3 weeks of death. However, this is the first time that anyone has actually been canonized while still alive - even the apostles did not achieve this distinction.

Queen Jadwiga was distinctly fed up with waiting.

Pope Francis is known for his famous words about same-sex marriage, "It is ... a 'move' of the Father of Lies, who seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God." I'm sorry, I'll have another go at that. What he actually said "Who am I to fudge?"

We should remember Christ's words to the clapped-out musician who felt same-sex attraction. "Go ye and find a partner, perhaps one with a perpetual rictus grin, and then persuade some woman to lend ye her body, that ye may have children and pretend that they are the fruit of your marriage."

Next stop - get ye a woman to lend ye her body!

Apart from his enthusiasm for "gay rights", Pope Francis is well recognised to be considerably more saintly than all other popes in history: for example, he refuses to wear red shoes, he washes in cold water, he travels everywhere by bus, he lives humbly in a cupboard under the stairs, and he eats at the canteen. Case proven, m'lud.

The papal apartments.

It is expected that Francis will use the forthcoming All Saints Day as an opportunity to announce a new batch of saints. In doing so, he is likely to say something like the following: "We declare the following to be saints: Cardinal Newman, G.K. Chesterton, Pope Pius XII, Mother Teresa, Fr Ted Crilly, ... oh... and... er... ME!"

Another new saint.