How to write a religious blog I

As the author of a very popular religious blog, which on some days achieves nearly 4 hits, I have been asked to give some guidance to those who aspire to similar success.

A good start - but what comes next?

Now, unless you lead a very interesting religious life, nobody is going to be interested in a simple day-by-day diary of what you do. This sort of thing is fine: Enjoying my first Christmas as Pope. Went to midnight Mass, so was quite late to bed. Opened my presents - I had asked Father Christmas for some comic books such as The God Delusion and God's Mother, Eve's Advocate, but all I got was socks. The next morning I gave a blessing to some people in the street outside, then went indoors for a game of Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey with Guido Marini.

Could the brass band stop, please? Catherine Pepinster's been complaining.

This sort of thing (from Malvolio's blog) is not so fine: On Christmas Day I was locked in my garden shed with some bottles of whisky. A man called Sir Topas the Curate stood outside taunting me - I am sure he is a sockpuppet of Eccles. Luckily I was able to use Twitter to harass my enemies.

They say I'll be let out in time for Twelfth Night.

But blogs don't have to be about yourself, especially not religious ones. Many of them pick up on items of religious news: for example the popular Assist-The-Archbishop blog points out numerous examples of blasphemy, heresy and general nastiness which are seen to threaten the orthodoxy of the Catholic church, as personified in this country by Archbishop Vincent Nichols.

For those rejected by the Swiss Guard, there may be a role protecting archbishops.

So this is the sort of thing that Assist-The-Archbishop will warn its readers about:

COMMISSAR VOLPI TELLS FRANCISCAN FRIARS OF THE IMMACULATE "LEARN LITURGICAL DANCING OR IT'S BREAD AND WATER FROM NOW ON."

Headlines such as this will make your blog more interesting.

This one is genuine (from the Daily Mail), but could have been worded better.

Some well-known religious blogs have an inflexible party line, and need to be taken with a bucket of salt. After the twenty-fifth consecutive description of Pope Francis as a PINKO HOMO LIBERAL PERVERT MARTIAN ANTIPOPE on the famous Dealbabor blog, one begins to wonder whether its author is really a great admirer of the Holy Father. Especially since contrary comments are not allowed.

We now come to the more intellectual type of religious blog, which is usually written by a priest. I'm thinking here of Fr Hunwicke's Mutual Endowment Policy or Fr Finigan's Hermetic Continuity. To get the most out of such blogs it helps to have read Populorum Progressio, the works of Ovid, Inter Mirifica, etc. If your knowledge of Catholic doctrine is so hazy that you confuse the Assumption, the Immaculate Conception, the Annunciation, the Ascension and Christmas, then perhaps you should start with something a little less subtle.

The First Noele. Watched by Damian Thompson (R), Noele Gordon is persuaded to sing.

If you plan to write a dumbed-down blog for the masses, perhaps one with occasional references to religion and custard, then you may be able to find a national newspaper to support it. No particular examples spring to mind here.

In Part II we shall look at some further religious blogs, including ecumenical blogs with multiple authors, and of course some eccentric American blogs.

Desert Island Discs

There are rumours that the BBC is planning to change the format of its radio programme Desert Island Discs after a barrage of three complaints from the National Secular Society. At present, "castaways" invited onto the show are invited to take eight records of their choice, together with the Bible, the works of Shakespeare, and one luxury item. We asked Terry Sanderson, president of the NSS, to explain his objections.

By popular request: Terry Sanderson exiled to a desert island.

Explained Terry: "It is assumed that people will want to take with them the works of Shakespeare, but in this modern age few people believe in them. I'm not saying that some of the events portrayed in the book didn't happen - for example, most of us would accept the existence of Henry IV, even if we didn't think he came in two parts - but some of the stories are clearly legends that nobody can be expected to believe."

A ridiculous fairy story.

"This book about a midsummer night's dream," he continued. "Obviously a man can go around with an ass's head on him - my friend Richard Dawkins finds this idea totally reasonable - but there are miraculous elements in the story that reduce it to a fairy story."

Malvolio - imprisoned for smugness and "gay" stockings.

"There are may unsavoury incidents in the work," continued Sanderson. "My other friend Stephen Fry is shocked by the story of Malvolio, imprisoned for being insufferably smug and wearing yellow stockings. Stephen rightly says that if the story is true we should refuse to play any sport with Illyria. But my feeling is that the whole thing is a myth."

Polonius - simply a great teacher?

"I'll say nothing against the character of Polonius, although he is generally regarded as a humourless old fool," he added. "For various reasons I feel a natural affinity with him, and his martyrdom behind an arras is truly unpleasant. But it would be wrong to think of the play Hamlet in supernatural terms, and this nonsense about a ghost strains all credulity."

The "King James" edition of Shakespeare has made it a popular book since the early 17th century, containing as it does a mixture of history, moral teaching, instructive legends and poetry. However with the NSS condemning it, the BBC (which regards the NSS in high esteem) is likely to drop it from the radio programme.

The book of Macbeth is similarly fantastical.

A BBC spokesman said last night that they were expecting to drop Shakespeare, replacing it by a suitable secular work, such as The God Delusion or Whitehead and Russell's Principia Mathematica.

Just the thing for a long stay on a desert island!