The trouble with poor journalists

Fr Ray Blake writes:

The trouble with poor journalists is that they make a mess everywhere.

For ye have the poor journalists with you always. Mark 14:7.

There is a secluded area of the internet where a mostly-unread Brighton newspaper provides shelter for journalists otherwise unable to obtain gainful employment. Occasionally, I inspect some of their passages and find them foul and disgusting. I have seen lies, made-up quotes, and general urination over the efforts of Christian priests to help the less well-off members of society.

A journalist prepares his "copy" for the Brighton Argus.

If they are not making messes, you find that they simply tell lies. One of them quotes me as saying "I am a very holy and saved person and this tests my holiness," when if he had ever encountered a priest since the day when one dropped him on his head at his baptism, he would know that no priest (apart from the rather dubious Cardinal Eccles) talks in this way.

Apart from the poor journalists who steal trifles from my blog, beat them into unrecognisability, and market them as their own "exclusives", I also encounter a poverty of ideas among journalists working for the Daily Mail (a newspaper for those who enjoy photographs taken looking up women's skirts); these rejects from society throw foul garbage over the internet, leaving a nasty smell behind them.

And don't get me started on the unwashed and dirty-minded morons who write on the comment threads of the Daily Mail...

A Daily Mail reader explains himself.

Addendum: The Telegraph has also managed to soil itself on this occasion.

Dawkins founds a monastery

Ever-anxious to show that he can do all the things Christians do - only better - Professor Richard Dawkins announced today the foundation of the Monastery of the Selfish Gene, of which he would be the first Abbot.

Father Richard and, er, Brother Richard in the monastery.

The press agent for the M.S.G. has put together a list of Frequently Asked Questions for those interested in becoming atheist monks.

Q: Do I have to take vows of poverty, chastity or obedience?

A: No, nothing like that. If you want to write best-selling books or go round the world on well-paid lecture tours, that's just fine (but give some of the proceeds to Fr Richard!) Chastity is also a no-no. Let those selfish genes of yours travel! But we do demand obedience, and indeed outright sycophancy, to Fr Richard.

We've already expelled one monk for reading this behind the bike-sheds.

Q: What do you do all day long?

A: There are regular services of worship:

Leuds, where we make smutty jokes about God; 
Matings, where we share our genes with the Little Sisters of 
St Polly next door;
Meme, where we use Richard's Holy Word "Meme" in as many 
inappropriate contexts as possible;
Sex;
Nones, Terce, Vespers... haven't got these worked out yet but 
probably they'll involve singing praises to Fr Richard;
Complain, where we grumble about God.

Apart from that we have lectures on theology from Fr Richard, who has been urgently googling Aquastine and Aguinas (I hope we've got those names right!) as well as St Paul's Letter to the Delusions.

Q: Do you run hospitals and schools, or do other works of charity?

A: No... there's a limit to how much we can imitate those Christians you know! Still, some people have said that we should turn ourselves into a hospital for the incurably insane. We may yet do this!

Sister Lalla demonstrates the traditional art of carpet-biting.

Q: How about a vow of silence?

A: Ha ha ha! No, Richard is dead against that one. But you'd be surprised how many people have suggested it to him.