Britain continues its four-day celebration of Damian Thompson's "The Fix," a work widely regarded as God's "Third Testament," and already a runaway best-seller.
God save the Dame
Yesterday, we heard Katherine Jenkins singing "God Save the Dame," and today a mighty flotilla of boats has been assembled, including several state-of-the-art ships from the British Navy. It will process down the Thames while loyal readers of Damian Thompson's blog wave flags.
A mighty flotilla
There will also be street parties, where cupcakes will be served in honour of Dr Thompson's message: why don't heroin addicts try cupcakes instead?
An alternative to heroin
As "The Fix" sells its 50-millionth copy, Damian Thompson himself is thinking of ways of spending his newly-acquired wealth. We learn that he has his eyes on a small palace in London, currently occupied by an elderly couple who may be happier in a care home.
A house fit for a blogger
However, not everyone appreciates Dr Thompson's book. A spokesman for the Guardian newspaper said "This is a typically fascist book from a right-wing nutjob who wants to repress the workers by claiming that addiction isn't a disease. Obviously he wrote the book in order to pursue his hidden agenda of closing down Alcoholics Anonymous. Almost certainly the book is sexist and homophobic as well. Did Che Guevara die in vain?"
Daddy, are you sober enough to read me a story from "The Fix"?
Bruvver Eccles writes: in fact moving Damain to a bigger huose aint gonna be dat easy. As a Cathlic he naturally has a large collectoin of iddles dat he kisses regularly, and he will want to take dem wiv him.
De iddle room