This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 30 January 2018

Pope Francis announces a cultural revolution

In his latest document Gaudeamus Igitur, our great Chairman Francis has announced a "cultural revolution" in pontifical universities. Thousands of capitalist running-dog theologians will be purged, and the rest sent out to the people's farms to plant rice.

Pope and Mao swimming

Our chairman, in excellent health, seen here swimming in the Tiber with some friends.

Members of the ruling Jesuit party applauded Chairman Francis's latest "great leap forward", condemning the "paper tigers" of traditional Catholicism. This follows the notorious "long march" (in fact a long aeroplane journey) towards a new Catholicism.

Naturally the Chairman's supporters have been enthusiastically waving their little red books: these contain the thoughts of Chairman Francis, including his new translation of the "capitalist" Lord's Prayer, and his new "people's" Beatitudes.

little red book

The Thoughts of Chairman Francis.

Francis has promised to "let a hundred flowers" bloom, each symbolizing a new change in Church teaching. Critics of the regime have now largely disappeared, as "reactionary" party bishops have been sidelined and replaced by state-approved functionaries.

Sometimes, there has not been enough spineless people to go round. The Chairman's latest innovation is to replace them with wobbly blancmanges, believing (rightly) that nobody will be able to tell the difference.

Monty Python blancmange

A typical Francis-appointed cardinal (with modernist crozier).


  1. Oi! That crozier is proper old school - Rod Laver had one.

    (I really wish this were a laughing matter....)

  2. It's no joke. Francis has committed the biggest act of treachery since the suppression of the Jesuits by Pope Clement. I pray for those loyal Chinese Catholics.

  3. ... and the Vatican cried to the Chinese government, 'Give us Barabbas!' 'It is better that a few (good) men die rather than the whole people'.