Senator Tim Kaine: Father, forgive me blah blah blah, I can't be expected to remember the right form of words, can I? I'm a busy man.
Bishop Knestout of Richmond, VA (for it is he): Of course not, your importantship. Still, it's good to see you, and I am honoured to receive your confession in person, especially as I know you are incapable of sin.
When the Confession doesn't have any really meaty bits.
Tim: Yes, I wouldn't have come to Confession unless I knew that someone of the rank of bishop would be available.
Knestout: Now, how can I help you?
Tim: Well it's hard for me to think of any really interesting sins. I did make a rude noise during the State of the Union address. Also, I knocked over an old blind lady who was blocking my way this morning, but that's perfectly normal, isn't it?
Knestout: Totally normal, your wonderfulness.
Tim: Oh, and I chewed gum and spat it out during Mass.
Knestout: You're not being totally honest here, are you?
Tim: True. That was 3 years ago, and I confess it every time. I've not actually been to Mass recently.
Knestout: It seems to me that you're a typical modern Catholic. Keen on same-sex marriage and abortion, I see. Nothing else?
Tim Kaine with an unidentified friend.
Tim: Um, well suppose, hypothetically, that I voted against the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act, admitting that I saw no problem at all with the idea that children should be tortured, dismembered, and ripped screaming from the womb, with their corpses thrown into a bin marked "biological waste"?
Knestout: Well, technically, you'd be excommunicated and I should announce it publicly. Meanwhile, you would need to do a penance which involved wearing a sign saying "I'M A SCUMBAG" round your neck for the rest of your life. Still...
Knestout: Look, I won't mention it, if you don't. I absolve you from your sins blah blah blah (now you've got me doing it!)
Tim: Thanks, padre. EXIT.