This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 12 July 2020

Hagia Sophia to become an Anglican cathedral

Seeing that his decision to turn the once-Christian Hagia Sophia into a mosque has been condemned worldwide, President Erdoğan of Turkey has agreed to compromise by turning the building into an Anglican church.

His first inclination was to make it a temple of Pachamama, but in the end this was considered too "Catholic" so Anglicanism was the solution, as it does not presuppose any particular belief system.

Norwich cathedral

Your new-look Hagia Sophia.

"This should improve the Turkish tourist industry no end," explained the good man. "Both Christians and Muslims love helter-skelters, crazy golf, and artists' installations. The spiritually nourishing sight of an imam shouting 'Wheee!' as he slides down the helter-skelter will do a lot for ecumenism."

Historically, the Hagia Sophia was built as a Christian cathedral, but in 1453 Mehmed the Conqueror, tired of seeing idols of Pachamama, artists' installations (this is what artists make when they can't do art), and tango-ing priests, had it turned into a mosque, and everything went quiet for a few hundred years. Later it became a museum. However, a glorious future now dawns.

Winchester cathedral

"We're hanging up our washing on the Sophia line!"

However, some critics have said that this is simply a case of Turkey voting for Christmas. We shall see.

11 comments:

  1. De Pop is pained.

    No doubt, Monsignor Viganò is preparing to blame it all on Vatican II.

    Anti Moly meanwhile is mainly just annoyed that it's one less place in the world open for gin-guzzling.

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  2. Replies
    1. There is such a word, but I suppose ecumenism is better. I use it so rarely...

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  3. “WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”.

    Liturgical practice at its highest !!!

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  4. Defacement still required, face masks available at entrance for quick and easy self-defacement.

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  5. This all seems quite in order - but strictly no singing!

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  6. The Hagia Sophia is overrated: I have been more spiritually nourished by visiting a cement factory. If you make a pilgrimage to Constantinople, I offer three pieces of advice: 1. if you cycle all the way - as I did - do not say you are going to "Constantinople" at the Turkish frontier, as police will then detain you for several hours and search your bicycle; 2. Do not bother with the cement factory when you get to Constantinople but instead visit the Chora Church (otherwise known as the Kariye Museum) which contains the most lovely mosaics celebrating the life of Our Lady the Theotokos; 3. avoid the rush hour on a bicycle.

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    1. The Kariye Camii (Chora Church) is also now in the process of being turned into a mosque, and the 5th century Stoudeion (Imrahor Camii) which has been a ruin since a fire in the late 19th century is now being rebuilt as a mosque - with unknown consequences for the historical evidence it contains. You need, incidentally, to be converted to Hagia Sophia - read Paul the Silentiary's poem about it and you will see it is a remarkable exposition of mathematics, nature and light.

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    2. Was Paul the Silentiary a cyclist and does he offer any advice on negotiating the rush hour in Constantinople?

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  7. Istanbul was Constantinople
    Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople
    Been a long time gone, Oh Constantinople
    Why did Constantinople get the works?
    That's nobody's business but the Turks

    So, Take me back to Constantinople
    No, you can't go back to Constantinople
    Been a long time gone, Oh Constantinople
    Why did Constantinople get the works?
    That's nobody's business but the Turks

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  8. Today Constantinople, tomorrow Rome.

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