This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 19 June 2021

The Book of Covidicus 16: Freedom Postponed

Continued from Chapter 15.

1. Now Bosis had decreed that on the longest day of the year, namely the twenty-first day of June, the children of Bri-tain would regain their freedom once more.

2. For, having once spoken of "three weeks to flatten the curve", "just another two months to save the Service of Health", "six months to turn the tide", "another five years to follow my roadmap", and "my adviser, Neil, son of Fergus, saith that in three hundred years we may have the plague under control," he had finally decided to let his people go.

3. But before this could happen, Bo-sis himself wed a comely maiden named Carrie. For he had suddenly noticed that this lady had dwelt in his tents for two years, and that he had even begotten a son from her, named Wil-fred, which signifieth "He who wants peace".

4. For it is said that Carrie gave Bo-sis no peace; and still less did Wil-fred.

5. Thus, being a devoutly religious man, Bo-sis made his way to the mighty temple of West Minster, and made an honest woman of Carrie, or at least as honest as he himself was.

Boris Johnson wedding

"Are you number 3 or number 4? I forget."

6. But as the summer approached, Bo-sis was sore afraid, for the Indian variant of the plague had now mutated its name and was now called the Delta variant, in honour of the Ganges Delta.

7. And this Delta variant was not a kind and friendly plague, like unto the Alpha, Beta, and Gamma variants, but a cruel and hostile variant.

8. Thus Bo-sis went to the box in which he kept his plans, and started to develop new plans, such as "just one more month to flatten the delta".

9. Also, it was still necessary that all the world should be vaxed at least twice, then once more in the autumn, then once more at Christmas.

10. Further, all men should be tested three times per day to see whether they had caught the plague. For the new symptoms were very hard to detect, being exactly the same as a cold, or a hay fever, or in some cases perfect health.

Boris and Joe being silly

Little did Bo-sis know that the plague was transmitted via the elbows.

11. Then, as all the children of Bri-tain quaked in fear at the onset of this invisible plague, Bo-sis invited some of the greatest leaders of the world to a mighty party known as G Seven: for they were nine.

12. In fact these G Seven men, and their families, had been chosen because they were totally immune to the plague. Thus, they could mix in crowds, and avoid imprisonment in the dungeons known as Qumran-tine, and still the plague touched them not.

13. However, the common people were still to be locked down for another month, lest they go to the theatre, or sing in church, after which the Delta plague would surely inflict them with wheezles and sneezles.

Queen cutting a cake with a sword

The Queen cutteth a cake in a socially-distanced manner.

Continued in Chapter 17.

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