World Cup of Synod Horrors - nominations please!

In memory of the recently deceased Synod O'Contrick, one of the great enemies of the Catholic Church, we are now going to run a World Cup of Synod Horrors.

The official list of the great and good is now posted, so we can see who will be redesigning Catholic teaching for us.

So at last we have a world cup in which both Cardinals Cupich and Roche (from last year's World Cup of Bad Cardinals) and James Martin and Austen Ivereigh (from the 2019 World Cup of Bad Catholic Journalists) can meet on equal terms. Plus a few others who are ready to walk with them and tell the Holy Spirit what He has decided (is this the right language?)

My list so far is the following. Are there any others on the official list who should be added before we do another Twitter X-rated poll?

Abp Charles Scicluna
Abp Víctor Fernández
Bp Georg Bätzing
Cdl Arthur Roche
Cdl Blase Cupich
Cdl Christoph Schönborn
Cdl Jean-Claude Hollerich
Cdl Joe Tobin
Cdl Jozef De Kesel
Cdl Kevin Farrell
Cdl Luis Tagle
Cdl Mario Grech
Cdl Michael Czerny
Cdl Pietro Parolin
Cdl Robert McElroy
Cdl Seán O'Malley
Cdl Timothy Dolan
Cdl Wilton Gregory
Dr Austen Ivereigh
Fr Antonio Spadaro
Fr James Martin
Fr Timothy Radcliffe
Sr Nathalie Becquart

We will exclude Pope Francis.

Synod and Synodality, by Jane Austen Ivereigh

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good job in Rome, must be in want of a synod.

You thought I made up the title, didn't you?

"My dear Mr. Bennet," said his lady to him one day, "have you heard that Vatican Towers is let at last?"

Mr. Bennet replied that he had not.

"Do you not want to know who has taken it?” cried his wife, impatiently.

"You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it."

"It is the patron of our foolish cousin, the Reverend Cupich. It is the famous Lord Francis de Bourgholio! What a fine thing for our girls!"

"How so? How can it affect them?"

"My dear Mr. Bennet," replied his wife, "how can you be so tiresome? You must know that I am thinking of his inviting one of them to a synod.”

Mr Bennet returned to his newspaper.

"I see here that Bishop Pell has died," he said, "shortly after writing an article denouncing synods. He was not impressed by the new 'Enlarge the space of your tent' philosophy."

Lord Francis de Bourgholio and Mr Cupich prepare to enlarge their tent.

Turning to his favourite daughter, Mr Bennet continued, "“An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not attend a synod, and I will never see you again if you do."

The two youngest of the family, Catherine and Lydia, were particularly anxious to attend Lord Francis's synod: their minds were more vacant than their sisters', and when nothing better was offered, a camping trip was certain to amuse them.

After listening to their effusions on this subject, Mr. Bennet coolly observed:

"From all that I can collect by your manner of talking, you must be two of the silliest girls in the country. I have suspected it some time, but I am now convinced."

To synod, or not to synod?

His daughter Elizabeth frowned.

"Lizzy, you look as if you did not enjoy seeing the folly of your sisters. For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?"

Will Catherine and Lydia attend the Synod? Why is Major Hollerich so interested in camping? What plans does the wicked Captain Roche have?

Not to be continued. I hope.