When the professor got stuck in the snow

We don't normally do book reviews on this blog (apart from books of the Bible as part of the Eccles Bible Project), but I recently read "When the professor got stuck in the snow" by Dan Rhodes, and its spiritually nourishing subject means that it deserves a review.

The book.

The basic premiss of the story is that an atheist professor by the name of Richard Dawkins is on his way to Upper Bottom (cue some very subtle but rather impolite wordplay here) to address the Women's Institute, when he gets stuck in the snow and has to find temporary accommodation with a retired Anglican vicar called Potter.

We see therefore the development of several dramatic themes, which make this one of 2014's great tragic novels about the sorrows of a senior academic in good standing. Even When Tina Beattie was taken to a Latin Mass and When Hans Küng was given a papal encyclical for his birthday cannot compare with the book's atmosphere of sheer misery.

Professors are tragic people.

As a close friend of the Regius Professor of Rocket Science, New Testament Greek, and Human Flourishing, I know that professors are, by and large, deeply tragic people. Especially science professors, who may be extremely brainy about things like genes and memes, but may not have much of a clue about real life. (Of course there are many exceptions.)

So our hero Professor Dawkins - often confused with the man in the wheelchair - is cast as an innocent creature, one who will face the vicissitudes of Fate while raging blindly against the world.

Professor Dawkins heads for Upper Bottom.

On his journey, Dawkins has many adventures, but it's bad form to include too many spoilers, so I will be a little vague here. However, I can reveal that he is called in to save a cat having difficulty with childbirth. Will he earn headlines such as "GODLESS BUT CARING ACADEMIC BRAVES SNOW TO DELIVER KITTENS" or will he be too late, and have to settle for "ATHEIST VISITS DEAD CAT"? Will he deliver the kittens, or be forced to euthanase the mother, perhaps by feeding her into a large antique mangle (for want of any more convenient device)? You'll have to read Chapter 14 to find out.

The professor meets many challenges to his faith - or lack of it - on the way. We have all wondered why, if Charles Dickens's theory of evolution is correct, there are no hairy fishes flapping around the water's edge. Dawkins can answer this question, and in fact gets very tired of answering it.

His rival, A.C. Grayling - better hair, but he hasn't done the experiments.

After a series of adventures, often involving unconventional means of transport, Dawkins does indeed reach Upper Bottom, just as Scott did eventually reach the South Pole. However, his non-faith is severely questioned on the way. Sometimes he is 6.9 out of 7 sure that there is no God, but at other times he weakens, and it is only 6.8 - a significant difference.

As for what happens next... well read it yourselves. I enjoyed the book very much - even the rude bits.

The Book of St Richard, Chapter 21

Continued from Chapter 20.

1. At this time, Richard was leading the fight against the Mohammedites.

2. And he asked the world, "Would it not be a good idea to beam erotic videos to theocracies?"

3. For he wished to shower the lands of Persia, Mesopotamia and Assyria with gentle woman-respecting eroticism, that they might change their ways and follow the path of atheism.

Gentle woman-respecting eroticism.

4. And the unenlightened folk mocked him, saying, "Oh, has he escaped again?" and "Why not send them sausages and bottles of gin, while you're at it?"

5. But Richard knew that he was right, and that the only way to convert the eastern lands was to show them forbidden flesh, such as the uncovered head of a woman.

6. For was it not the case that the warrior John, he whom they called Jihad, would have been able to serve the world as a humble stockbroker, had he been able to indulge in carnal delights involving another consenting adult?

A steamy scene from "Confessions of a Zoology Professor".

7. And many women came unto Richard, saying, "O Richard, let me star in an erotic video with you, but let it be gentle and woman-respecting!"

8. Thus, while he was considering their offers, Richard was elected "Clown of the Internet".

9. Indeed, he had reduced so many people to mirth, that he was given the ROFL prize and the LOL Award. After which he abandoned his plan to bring gentle woman-respecting eroticism to the Mohammedites.

LOL Award.

10. At that time there dwelt in Buxton a man called Dan Rhodes.

11. And this man wrote a story of Richard: his book was called When the Professor Got Stuck in the Snow.

12. Yet, there was no limit to the cruelty of Dan, for he mocked the learned professor, portraying him as arrogant and pompous. Thus there were those who said "Surely this Dan is simply telling it as it is?"

13. On the other hand, there were those who said "This is the biggest nonsense since The God Delusion."

Cruel words from Dan Rhodes.

14. Indeed, Dan showed none of the respect and deference that shineth through The book of St Richard, which ye are now reading.

15. Yet it was known that Richard was a defender of free speech (or even the speech that is paid for), and he did not hesitate to mock Christians, Muslims, or indeed anyone who disagreed with him.

16. So Dan spake unto Richard saying "Wilt thou permit me to publish this book, even though it maketh of you a stock that laughs? For my publishers are men whose nerves are made of spaghetti."

A laughing Stock.

17. But Richard replied not. So that men spake unto each other saying "Lo! He mocketh others, yet he suffereth not himself to be mocked."

18. And therefore they mocked Richard still more.

Continued in Chapter 22.

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The book of St Richard started here.