"Name that Pope" World Cup

There has been too much speculation over who will be the next man in the hot seat - from seven lists that I have seen, the most-nominated people are:

Erdő, Parolin 6,
Tagle 5,
Turkson, Zuppi 4,
Besungu, Bo, Eijk, Pizzaballa, Prevost, Sarah 3,

so it probably won't be any of those.

Time for another Pope Linus?

Instead, we're holding a World Cup to see whether we can guess the name that the next Pope will take. The obvious choice is Eccles, but in fact the 24 nominees are:

Adrian
Alexander
Benedict
Boniface
Clement
Eugene
Felix
Francis
Gregory
Innocent
John
John-Paul
Julius
Leo
Martin
Nicholas
Paul
Peter
Pius
Sergius
Sixtus
Stephen
Theodore
Urban

and if we are quick we can get a decision in time for the white smoke.

Some people will never be happy.

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SEMIFINALS

John 48.9 v Leo 51.1

Clement 40.4 v Gregory 59.6

FINAL

Leo 50.0 v Gregory 50.0

A dead heat. Let's leave it as that. The next pope is going to be Leo XIV or Gregory XVII (unless he's not very good at Roman numerals).

ADDENDUM: Well, those who said Leo XIV got it right!

The secrets of Notre Dame

Apologies for a third post on Notre Dame this week (plug1, plug2), but news is just breaking from the investigative journalists of Associated Press that, besides being a tourist Mecca, Notre Dame is also revered as a place of worship (by Muslims, presumably).

Mecca.

We asked some of our religious friends to comment:

Jew: Well, it's certainly a place that I find very kosher.

Hindu: For me, it's something of a sacred cow.

Anglican: It's been a centre for the Church of England since A.D. 597. (Oops, that last one's almost genuine. See below.)

An entry for the David Lammy prize for religious knowledge.

Buddhist: I go there to listen to the sound of one hand clapping.

Muslim: Well, if the mountain will not come to Mahomet, then we have to go there ourselves.

Whatever else goes on there, it is rumoured that Catholics are also interested in Notre Dame. However, the New York Times is still a little hazy about the "body of Christ".

Journalism at its finest.

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By the way, for those who missed the reference above to David Lammy MP, here it is again.

If Notre Dame's smoke is anything to go by, the next pope will have grey skin.

The Book of Brexodus, Chapter 6

Continued from Chapter 5.

1. So the children of Britain came finally to vote on whether they should remain in the land of EUgypt.

2. And half of them said "stay", and half said "go", but slightly more said "go". So it was decided that the people should leave the courts of Juncker.

3. And Cam-aaron was exceedingly grieved, and said "Alas, I cannot take you into the wilderness: I shall resign my position as High Priest, and eke out a humble existence advising the rich and powerful, eating massive dinners, and giving speeches to those who can afford me."

4. For this had earlier been done by the great warlord Blair, he who had conquered the lands of Mesopotamia, at least briefly.

Cam-aaron and his handmaiden prepare for a life of riches.

5. However, many of those who had voted to remain in the courts of Juncker the Pharaoh lamented in deep distress: indeed they wept for several days, refusing to be comforted.

6. Some spake out with a voice of wrath, saying "We must vote again, as the common people have given us the wrong answer." And others, more gentle, suggested, "Er, best of three?"

7. Said one man: "It is mostly the fault of the aged men, who voted to leave. For, as it is written, God giveth wisdom to the young man, and folly to the old."

8. Said another: "Indeed, my son is sore distressed that he could not vote. He is only two but he hath a mighty grasp of the issues."

Disenfranchised.

9. Next, a great petition was born, with ten thousand times ten thousand signatures, mostly in the names of the puppets that are called Sock.

10. And others, who had earlier voted to leave, spake out, saying "I knew not that I was voting to leave. For I thought that I had entered my name into a prize draw, that I might win a camel or at least a box of dates."

11. Then another man, whose name was Lammy, which is to say, "Stupid", cried out with a loud voice, saying "Let us ignore the vote completely. For the voters are not blessed with wisdom such as I possess."

On another day, Lammy commenteth on the election of a High Priest.

12. Thus no man could tell whether the will of the people would prevail, and whether Bosis would indeed be able to lead his people towards the promised land.

Continued in Chapter 7.