This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles
Showing posts with label EF Mass. Show all posts
Showing posts with label EF Mass. Show all posts

Sunday, 15 December 2013

The Latin Mass

A manuscript attributed to the Franciscan Friars of the Immaculate.

Latin missal

The Friar asked 
His Superior,
Who spoke to 
The Commissioner:
"Could we please use 
Latin in
The Mass 
That we hold?"
The Commissioner, 
Named Volpi,
Said "No way, 
How dare you?
You may be Friars
Immaculate -
But you'll do just what 
You're told!"
friar with skull

And you can put that skull away, too!

"It's daft," 
Said the Friar,
"We can't have any 
Latin now."
"It's daft," 
Said his Superior,
"You heard what he 
Just said?"
"Look here," 
Said the Commissioner,
"We're giving up the 
Latin tongue.
From now on it's 
Shine, Jesus, Shine and 
Inwood (Paul) instead."
Clown

What Pope John-Paul II had in mind for the FFI.

The Friar said, 
"But surely -
The EF Mass is 
Valid still?
I've read 
Summorum Pontificum:
We're told it's  
All O.K."
The Commissioner said 
"Right, mate!
We're closing down 
The seminary.
We're sacking 
The Superior.
You'll do just as 
I say!"
Sacked friar

You're fired!

"Gosh!" 
Said the Friar 
As he prayed a 
Fervent Rosary.
"Gosh!" 
Said his Boss, 
As he packed 
His bags.
"Nobody, 
Dear Lord, 
Would call me a 
Fussy man
But I do like a little bit of Latin in my Mass!"
This poem is incomplete, but a possible ending is the following:

Pope Francis

There, there! He didn't really mean it.

The Pope said, 
"There, there!
He didn't really 
Mean it."
The Commissioner said 
"Oh Hell!
The Pope thinks 
I was wrong."
The Superior said 
"Ha ha!
Can I have my 
Job back?"
He unpacked 
His suitcase
And he burst 
Into song.
Friar diving

The Friar celebrates.

The Friar 
Was delighted,
When he heard 
His boss returning.
The Friar did
A handstand, 
And said
"Deo Gratias!"
"Nobody," he said,
As he turned 
A cartwheel,
"Nobody," he said,
As he slid down
The banisters,
"Nobody,
Dear Lord,
Could call me
A fussy man -
BUT
I do like a little bit of Latin in my Mass!"
With apologies to A.A. Milne.