USS Enterprise crew praise Pope Trek on 1985th anniversary

The crew of the Starship Enterprise have joined the chorus of praise for the long-running serial Pope Trek as it celebrates its 1985th anniversary.

For those unfamiliar with the story, Pope Trek tells the adventures of Captain Francis, as he travels round the universe encountering strange new life-forms and boldly going where no man has gone before.

"Pope's log, Stardate 2016."

Captain Francis is ably assisted by his Press Officer, the Vulcan Greg Burke (replacing Federico Lombardi), whose job it is to find some Logic in the Captain's utterances. There is also an army of "red shirt" officers, whose main role is to stand in the firing line and soak up attacks.

A group of red shirts, waiting to be zapped.

Pope Trek has developed its own range of catch phrases, which its fans love to recite. "We're showing mercy - shoot to kill!" is one; "The Church of England's attacking - there are An-Klingons on the starboard bow" another; "Damnit, Captain, I'm a Jesuit, not a religious man!"; "The Synod's broken down - ye cannae change the laws of Catholicism!"; and so on.

In "The Rosica block", Captain Francis encounters a strange new life-form.

Pope Trek has been praised for its highly original plots, full of surprises, in which one never knows what the crew will get up to next. Says one of the actors in it, red-shirted Nichelle Nichols (Uhura), "My favourite episode was the one where all logic said that we should head east (Ad Orientem), but I kept insisting that this was too dangerous."

"Don't move, Captain, this phaser is the most dangerous weapon you've ever seen."

Jorge Bergoglio, the actor who plays Captain Francis, said today that he was pleased with the popularity of Pope Trek, and sometimes he felt that it was "almost real".

Star Trekk

De world is waitin for de full story of how Bosco met de characters from Star Trekk, when he was a little kid. De way he tells it is dat Leiutenant Uhurra (Nichele Nicholls) came to a party at our huose, and he was asleep upstares, but de reallity is rather different.

We was little kids, and in de bedroom Bosco was asleep, dreemin sweetly dat he was beetin up some nuns. I was awake finking about de probblems of being saved. What happenned was dat four Star Trekk characters turned up in our bedroom, as de sensers on de Entreprise told dem about a strangge creecher dat lived dere.

De lady in de party was indeed Leiutenant Uhurra, she screemed when she saw my bruvver Bosco, but otherwise she didnt say much. De one wiv de big ears is called Sock. He took a long look at my darlin bruvver Bosco and said "Dat's life, Jim, but not as we know it! I don't fink dis creecher is saved."

De leeder chap was called Kerk, dat means churhc, so we cuold tell he was relligiuos. "We abhorrs vilence at all times," he said, "but den we doesn't want dis freek to turn into a Cathlic. I fink I'll soften him up wiv de phassar, just to be on de safe side."

He fired de phassar at Bosco's head, but de deadly rays just buonced off, sometimes it is useful to have a crannium as hard as concreet.

De remainin chap was called Bons, and he was a doctor. He was very interresed by dis skelleton dat was given us by de Calumny Chappel for us to pray to in de bedroom at nihgt, and he was sure dat it was saved.

Anyways, de Star Trekk crew decidded dat Bosco was not much of a threat to civillization (dey did say dat hundreds might die of boredom when dey heard him preechin, but dats reely not nice, it's only been a dozzen at most so far). So Kerk said "Beem us up, Spotty," and den dey all vannished.

My Anti Moly says dat Captin Kerk visitted her too when she was yuonger; dey even had a short rommance cos dat's what always happens in dem storries. Dis is a pitcher of dem bein affectionnate.