This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 8 May 2014

Two of the three wise men turn out to be fools

Biblical scholars have been very excited this week because newly-discovered accounts of the lives of the three wise men - Kasper, Müller, and Baldisseri - have been released, suggesting that two of them were "really rather silly".

According to the latest news, the only one of the three men who was actually wise - Müllchior - became very annoyed with a "religious" woman called Elsie Dubyarr, who had been pushing the boundaries of doctrine to breaking-point. It seems that she had given an Outstanding Leadership Award to King Herod, praising him for his novel approach to the under-2s.

Clergy girls

Elsie Dubyarr and friends model the new "women religious" uniform.

Cardinal Müllchior felt that this was a heresy too far, and told her to go and sit on the naughty step until she could learn how to behave properly. However, his fellow-magus, Cardinal Casper, seems to have disagreed, suggesting that it was time to look again at church doctrine on infanticide. "After all, we shall soon be living in the 1st century" he pointed out, after checking his diary. "Oh, and aren't you sick of people being heroic? I know I am."


Cardinal Casper on his way to church.

Cardinal Balthassari, the third and wackiest of the "wise" men, suggested that church doctrine should evolve in time, so as to give God a chance to think again. "Don't some of us open our mouths without really thinking about what we wanted to say? I know I do, and I'm sure that God is like that too," he commented. Meanwhile, he suggested, the boundaries of good and evil always were a bit vague, and maybe not to be worried about too much.

In other news, Richard Dawkins has been catching up on his correspondence. First, he wrote to Gene Robinson, the very holy Episcopalian bishop, who divorced the husband for whom he divorced his wife, to congratulate him on confirming his theory of the Selfish Gene. If you wish to bet on the sex of Bishop Gene's next husband/wife/partner/bit on the side/laptop, then we expect that Paddy Power will be able to oblige.

Dawkins has also decided to sign the famous letter to the Telegraph about Britain not being a Christian country, two weeks after it was published (and in spite of previously affirming the opposite point of view). "I'm also hoping to add my signature to the American Declaration of Independence just to give it a bit more authority," he says, "as I hold it to be a self-evident truth that all men are created equal - except me, of course!"

Dawkins writing

Richard Dawkins signs the Magna Carta.


  1. As one who has taken a private vow not to comment on religious matters, I would just like to say it's good to have that resolution confirmed by your photo of the "women religious". They clearly have no interest in religion either.

  2. Another good larf I must say. Thanks orfooly.

  3. There will be a forthcoming fashion show of swimwear for women religious - black two-pieces; one piece and NO peace.

  4. May I quote from Hilaire Belloc?...or at least what I can remember of one of his quips!
    "If all the evil women do
    were put into a barrel
    and thrown into the sea at Loo
    then men would never quarrel"