This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday 23 May 2014

Church posters found offensive

It is reported that in Attleborough, Norfolk, the police have been called in because a lad named Robert Gladwin was offended by a poster outside a Baptist church. (So it's "Police launch probe into church sign.") What's more the cops even took the complaint seriously.

Attleborough poster

The offending sign.

One of the stars of the Norfolk Constabulary, P.C. Wurzel ("Wurzel of the Yard - well, Field") commented. "Mr Gladwin was naturally traumatised to discover, at the ripe old age of 20, that Christianity isn't just touchy-feely stuff, but there are such things as Heaven and Hell. He was away the day they did Religion at school."


Offensively corny. But we can't touch you for that.

Those who know about these things say that the vicious Christianity of the Attleboro' Baptist Church makes the Westboro version look like fluffy bunnies. Although the offending poster has now been removed, there may be further trouble with a replacement that has been proposed.

Robert Gladwin poster

Robert Gladwin poses in front of the new poster.

Norfolk is generally a peaceful part of the country, with little serious crime (Wurzel of the Field usually doesn't get to deal with offences more serious than farmers rotating their crops without a licence), and this hideous Christian hate-crime has shocked the entire town of Attleborough.

It should also be pointed out, for those who missed our earlier post, that Salvation is now a human right, and so Pastor Rose's poster was effectively denying the human rights of atheists who really don't care about religion, good or evil, but nonetheless have the same post-death benefit entitlement as anyone else.

Another Hell poster

More filth!

Probably the best solution is for Pastor Rose to stick a sign up outside his church saying "ARE YOU A THICK OAF WITH BIG FEET? BECOME A NORFOLK COPPER!"

rail map

Forget Attleborough: to be saved, go one station to the west.


  1. Mr Gladwin must be a delicate boy indeed. Is he fireproof? that's the question.

  2. Dear Sir,

    It has long been the considered opinion of those of us in ACTA that it is quite wrong to worry people with things like sin, the Last Judgment, the Resurrection, and whether any water was actually turned into wine at Cana. Clearly the idea that Jesus was the son of god is increasingly divisive in our multifarious society, so grow up and live with that fact. Sunday is your opportunity to purchase fair trade coffee and cross-question your priest about his latest failures.

    Yours etc. ad wildebeeste,
    Ferdinand Mass-Trousers
    Tunbridge Wells ACTA Volunteer Reserve

  3. Robert Gladwin looks like he's about 15. Why is it that we have to listen to kids whose voices are still cracking like they actually have something valuable to say?

    1. He is not shaved, only I is shaved.

    2. Because he is still young enough to know everything

  4. I is worried about Attleborough.

    1. I is worried by the infantilisation of England.