This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 15 June 2014

Graven images

We had two particularly interesting reactions to the piece on the (British) Ten Commandments: one, from Archdruid Eileen, wondered how many commandments there really were, and what they were exactly (Beaker Folk and Catholics having a different way of cutting up those stone tablets into handy soundbites). Bruvver Bosco made a similar point in the comments to the piece:

Ha ha, you used the catholic ten commandments brother Eccles. Notice how the 2nd commandment has been changed. They got rid of that pesky "do not make or worship or bow befor graven images." My hats off to the catholic church. That takes guts to get rid of commandments they don't like. So come on all you faithful cathols...its Ok to bow befor any and all graven images. Hold on to them tight...that trip to hell can get breezy.

Calvary Chapel

The Calvary Chapel, with its graven image of a dove.

Regular readers of this blog will know that Bosco is a member of the Calumny Chapel, and he kisses a cement dove before he goes to bed each night. Apart from that, he is very tough on graven images - for example he threw out a photo of our Anti Moly just in case anyone in the house was tempted to bow down and worship it.

Anti Moly

Not to be worshipped.

Still, as someone on a continuing spiritual journey, I do have a question to ask of the experts. "Graven" seems to mean "engraved" or "sculpted", like Bosco's cement dove. Are paintings and photographs evil? Or only if you worship them? Here's another test case, a 1938 painting of Catholic bloggers Fr Tim Finigan and Mrs Caroline Farrow as children (haven't they worn well?)

Margate and Hove

Does this break the 1st (or 2nd) commandment?

Our old friend Damian Thompson is known to worship cupcakes: indeed, he has written a book on addiction, and how he attended Cupcakes Anonymous meetings in a vain attempt to break himself of this habit. We did think he was now cured, but last time I went round to see him, I found him kneeling before the graven images below.

cupcake bakery

A clear breach of the commandments.

Well, the general consensus - Bosco and the Muslims aside - seems to be that making images is not the real problem, so much as worshipping false gods; and that is taken care of by the first commandment.

bicycle Mass

"He just worships that bicycle..."


  1. Darling eccles, I hope Bosco will pay attention - he seems to grasp it for a while, and dear Chalice don on mine does his best, but then he takes a swig of gin and all is lost xx Jess

  2. Is the poster with piggies on it not mohametanophobic?

  3. Any true traditional Catholic knows that the NO takes its attendees for a ride anyway. The last pic tells all.

  4. Dear Sir,

    On the question of graven images I need hardly point out that most post-Vatican II catholics have always regarded the imposition of conservative right wing soppy pictures of saints (e.g. the Curay de Arse) as an oppressive and fascist semiological indoctrination aimed at crushing us under the jackboot of God's love, which is ultimately destined for the garbage can of historicity, in which the traddy dog will sing its swansong and be thrown into the shredder of post-modernity.

    Yours inconclusively,
    Ferdinand Mass-Trousers,
    ACTA Photocopier Elect

  5. Does anyone really think that a man bending the knee to propose to a woman is worshiping her?

    1. I always insist on it, as all women should :) Perhaps that's what Bosco doesn't like?

  6. Catholics have their brains pureed into a banana smoothie by their master satan. The command says not to bow befor things made by human hands. Is a human a graven image, you idiots? People bow to other people as a greeting and what not. people are not graven images. Yet you brain dead religious people accuse me of being against bowing to other humans. I guess that makes you feel better about bowing befor your palster and cemet idols. get to it. Tammuz is witing for you. Bring your beads.

    1. O bruvver Bosco, we knows you is against gravven images.

      Some day we isgonna have to teach you the uvver commandments, my dere.