This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 4 August 2015

Robin Hood defends traditional marriage

Over to Sherwood Forest, where Robin Hood is addressing his merry men.

Well met, my friends, it is good to see you all: Friar Tuck, Maid Marian, Will Scarlet, and the rest. But we have been sheltering a viper in our bosom!

General shuddering... guilty looks, etc.

Robin Hood

Robin Hood watcheth a procession of heretics pass.

Friar Tuck: Is it I, my son? Didst thou not like the liturgical dance that I introduced into our most solemn Latin Mass?

Robin: Nay, Friar, although that was reprehensible, there is far worse to tell. The evil one is our comrade "Daft Markie", he who hath designated himself Mark Spencer, MP for Sherwood.

Little John: I never did trust that one. Why is he not here?

Robin: He hath fled unto the Sheriff of Nottingham, a man whose heart is as black as his own. He hath reported us for "terrorism". Even now the sheriff's men, they that are called the "Plod", are seeking to capture us.

Will Scarlet: Surely he is insane? While we support our noble king Richard, who fighteth the Saracen in the Holy Land, can Daft Markie really think that we are terrorists?

A failure of ecumenism.

Robin: Nay, it is not that. I will tell you a tale, although ye will scarce believe it. As ye all know, the words of Our Lord tell us that marriage is a bond between a man and a woman.

Friar Tuck: How can it be otherwise?

Robin: Well, Daft Markie hath got it into his tiny mind that a man may marry another man, or a woman marry another woman.

Marian (blushing): But surely that is a nonsense? Even Prince John the wicked hath not uttered ideas as shameful as that.

Robin: Aye, it is nonsense, but Daft Markie doth not like us to say so. He saith that we are terrorists, and that it is hate speech to teach the truth about marriage.

Little John: But marry, is it not Daft Markie that hateth us? Why is he not arraigned in the stocks as a lumpish, brain-boiled, miscreant varlet? Surely he is the one who is spreading terror?

Omnes: Aye!

Mark Spencer the wicked

Daft Markie poseth with his familiar.

Robin: Alas, it is we Christians that the world now hateth. Henceforth, we are outlaws indeed, and must flee into hiding.


  1. Eddie Grundy (Archer): But ‘em lads ain’t married proper lest ‘ems can commit adultery ‘n tharrt.

    Little John: ow come?

    Eddie Grundy (Archer): The law innit? Only lad ‘n lass can adultrify. Lads can’t.

    Little John: So lads can marry ‘n and run round doing it wi others lads ‘n not adultrify.

    Eddie Grundy (Archer): Rr, that’s the law.

    Little John: Lads baint the same married equal as lad and lass then … law wise?

    Eddie Grundy (Archer): Rrrr

  2. If ever a cat looked embarrassed, that one in the last photo did... poor cat.

  3. I see, so Markie is one of those who doughtily defends the right to freedom of speech and belief, provided that both are those he agrees with, otherwise they are "hate"?